Dream Cord

By london_calling79

Tue, 29 Nov 2011

2266 reads

8 comments

Same themes but different dreams.
Some skin connection brings
two fields of the same green feeling.
The bed a bible
and the sheets a hymn.
Another fibre brushes.
Transmits and receives
echoed by a breath.
Original in synch.
Core to pore, baptising sweat
a dream cord crackles between.
Along the self same stream
of the guilty edged theme but a different dream.

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Comments

The bed a bible and the

Permalink Submitted by Leander42 on Tue, 2011-11-29 10:52

The bed a bible and the sheets a hymn... Core to core, baptising sweat... I rather like those lines. PS You don't need to start each new line with a capital letter, only those for new sentences.

I liked this - it reads well

Permalink Submitted by lavadis on Tue, 2011-11-29 13:23

I liked this - it reads well - you don't need to rhyme - let yourself be free to say whatever you want without boundaries - you have some lovely images

I really like the rhyme - it

Permalink Submitted by MistakenMagic on Tue, 2011-11-29 17:07

I really like the rhyme - it makes the whole poem flow and doesn't sound forced. Some brilliant imagery in this compact little poem! Magic xxx

I agree with all the above!

Permalink Submitted by Highhat on Tue, 2011-11-29 19:31

I agree with all the above! Could have been longer as it was so good. Yes drop the capital letters- brilliant imagery.. ;)Pia

People aren't lovin the caps

Permalink Submitted by london_calling79 on Tue, 2011-11-29 20:01

People aren't lovin the caps are they? I must admit I hadn't noticed but now it's been pointed out they annoy me too. Will do a wee re-write. Thank you for all your gorgeous comments and for my prized cherry! I love the fact that now I can go away and revise my poem. This site really works!

I think some word programmes

Permalink Submitted by shoe on Wed, 2011-11-30 10:28

I think some word programmes put them there automatically, very annoying, well earned cherry.

Thanks shoe. Think I

Permalink Submitted by london_calling79 on Wed, 2011-11-30 20:53

Thanks shoe. Think I automatically put them in myself. It's a case of me shaping and re-shaping the line structure, syntax, lexis and meaning of a poem and forgetting things like punctuation and capital letters! Unforgivable I know. Or maybe there was some mystical reason why I've done it that I've forgotten!

I always used to write with

Permalink Submitted by fatboy74 on Thu, 2011-12-01 17:56

I always used to write with capitals at the beginning of each line because many of the poets (like Heaney and Hughes) I used to read so much used them. really like this - agree with magic about the rhyme although I can't really do it myself and enjoyed your brilliant word acrobatics. Well done on cherry. :-)