IP: Message from SHOPPING EXPERIENCE: Where are you, MS ABERNATHY ???

Dear MS ABERNATHY

Where have you been this year?? We’ve missed you!! Since your last visit (yes, MS ABERNATHY, it was TWO YEARS AGO!!) we have added so many new attractions to make your stay at SHOPPING EXPERIENCE even more exhilarating, even more rewarding, and even more PERSONAL than before.

All your old favourites are still here, but LOOK what we’ve done to make them EVEN MORE EXCITING!!

ROMAN MARKET
Now, not only can you experience the excitement of the SLAVE AUCTION, for a small extra contribution, you can ACTUALLY TAKE YOUR CHOSEN SLAVE AWAY!!! Your slave will be at your beck and call for TWENTY-FOUR HOURS AFTER PURCHASE!!! Your slave will sleep outside the door of your SHOPPING EXPERIENCE hotel room or apartment, ready to obey your every whim.

(Terms and Conditions Apply. Adults Only Slave Service only available to guests aged 18 or over. No more than two guests per Adults Only slave. Your normal Shopping Experience insurance does not cover your slave purchase. Please consult your Shopping Experience Customer Interfacer for details of Slave Insurance. All slaves are guaranteed legal immigrants from their country of origin.)

CHRISTMAS IN NEW YORK
This year - SEX AND THE CITY meets MIRACLE ON 34th STREET!! Join CARRIE BRADSHAW and friends in Macy’s and other NY Meccas!! Skate on our very own Central Park rink! Shop till you drop, visit a gallery, do lunch, and visit KRIS KRINGLE in his grotto!! Who knows - he may have a pair of MANOLO BLAHNIKS with your name on them!

(Terms and Conditions apply. Guaranteed appearance of character Carrie Bradshaw, as played by actress supplied by Shopping Experience. Identity of Carrie’s friends may vary. Guaranteed appearance of character Kris Kringle, as played by actor supplied by Shopping Experience. Parents please note: Unaccompanied children are not allowed in the Grotto. Visits are at parents’ own risk. Shopping Experience cannot be held responsible for any trauma, physical or mental, occasioned by actor not being the real Santa Claus. Your normal Shopping Experience insurance does not cover skating in Central Park, illness arising from lunch, or visit to Grotto. Please consult your Shopping Experience Customer Interfacer for details of Manhattan Insurance. No persons of restricted growth were harmed during the production of this attraction.)

NEW THIS YEAR!!!
PEARLY KINGS AND QUEENS
Wotcher, Me Old China! Join London Town's BARROWBOYS, COSTERMONGERS, CHIMNEY SWEEPS and FLOWER GIRLS as they ply their wares in OLD COVENT GARDEN. Try traditional JELLIED EELS, FISH SUPPERS and PIE AND MASH, washed down with REAL TEA out of a POT, down at the OLD BULL AND BUSH!! Sing along with London’s Pearly Royalty as they do THE LAMBETH WALK!! Pick up genuine tweeds, bowler hats and rolled umbrellas for a fraction of normal retail prices! Have your pocket picked by a real ARTFUL DODGER - except this one returns your wallet to you afterwards!! And see QUEEN VICTORIA ride past in her State Carriage.

(Terms and Conditions Apply. Guaranteed appearance of character Queen Victoria, as played by actress supplied by Shopping Experience. Jellied Eels, Fish Suppers and Pie and Mash cannot be guaranteed nut free. Parents are advised to keep children under three away from Pearly King and Queen costumes due to small parts - choking hazard. Your normal Shopping Experience insurance does not cover Old Bull and Bush Food, loss resulting from Artful Dodger Attraction or injury caused by Lambeth Walk. Please contact your Shopping Experience Customer Interfacer for details of London Town Insurance.)

NEW FOR MAY 2011!!!
To mark the anniversary of the UK’s first peacetime Coalition Government, SHOPPING EXPERIENCE is delighted to welcome you to DAVE N’ NICK’S BARGAIN BASEMENT!!!
The Shopping Experience you’ll truly never forget!! Featuring:

CHOOSE ONE - GET SOMETHING TOTALLY DIFFERENT!!! Select your product and one of our fully trained Customer Interfacers will find a supplementary product which will TOTALLY CHANGE THE WAY YOU VIEW YOUR ORIGINAL CHOICE!! You don’t have to worry about a thing - the decision is made for you!! All you have to do is LIVE WITH THE CONSEQUENCES!!!

CUT DOWN SERVICE - Cut your product down to size!!! Remember all those times you’ve wondered - will this jacket fit me?? Will this furniture fit in the space?? Now all that ANXIETY is TAKEN AWAY!!! Choose your product, and your fully trained Customer Interfacer will cut it down to the size their experience tells them you REALLY NEED!! You will be amazed how much LESS of everything you have in your life!!!

(Terms and Conditions Apply. Cut down Service not applicable to persons in the Banking profession. Your normal Shopping Experience insurance does not cover you for death, illness, loss of earnings, education costs or anything else in the Bargain Basement. Please contact your Shopping Experience Customer Interfacer for details of No Choice/Cut Down Insurance. Special offers available to persons in the Banking profession.)

So, MS ABERNATHY, ring our premium rate number NOW to book your next SHOPPING EXPERIENCE visit! DON’T BE A STRANGER!!!
(If you are a Public Sector worker, please accept our apologies for having troubled you - and do pass this mailing on to someone with money!!)

Regards

Your friends at

SHOPPING EXPERIENCE