Perfect butt

Terry was drunk, so were all his mates, it was his birthday
afterall. He was well happy, a night in a load of pubs in Putney and
developed into a mass taxi ride to a party in West Brompton, someone
knew someome who knew someone sort of thing.

It was the usual scene, they blagged their way in, found the booze and
added to it. There were standards of behaviour, always bring booze,
even if you drink more than you bought. It's an honour thing, they had
all piled into the offie and the 8 of them bunged a fiver each into
Bryn's grasping hands.

Terry found an empty place on the sofa and rolled a spliff, he smiled
at the girl next to him, but didn't think he wanted to do anything but
smile. He didn't want the night to end in a shag, no, it was a party
with mates, get pissed, get in a taxi, get home, sort of night.

He still shared the spliff with her and then watched it disappear
around a suddenly large circle of people, he knew this would happen,
had the first few hits and then started to roll another one.

He watched as Bryn, Mike the Monk, Tony, Jane, Spac, and Rones danced
in the middle of the living room, he nodded along to the beat, nice
tunes, but he was a little too mellow to dance. He smiled at Rones as
she came over and took the newly made spliff from his hands, another
spliff, another circle.

He felt an urge to go and have a piss, and left his secure perch and
went off to look for the toilet. He looked back into the living room
and was pleased with the scene, someone had put on some Rainbow, and
Bryn and Tony were mock headbanging, both had short hair, he laughed to
himself, and left the room.

There was a predictable queue but he had timed it so that he wasn't
desperate and chatted to a guy ahead of him, about shit, they knew
someone who knew someone else sort of thing.

When he got into the toilet, he sat down to piss, there was a shelf of
books by the bog, so he picked one up. Norman Mailer, The Naked and the
Dead ", it seemed appropriate, he was naked from the waste down and
getting rid of the dead in a way. He read a few pages, then guiltily
put the book back when he heard some desperate knocking on the
door.

He made his way back to the party and the room he had left had totally
changed. He watched as a man he had bever seen held Bryn by his neck
and held off Mike The Monk with the other hand. All this has happened
in 5 minutes, from relaxed mellow party to violence.

He heard himself saying "What's going on" the words out before he could
think about the consequences. The man looked over, lost interest in
Bryn and Mike and came straight at Terry. He grabbed Terry by the
collar and was yelling something, but Terry could not hear a word, he
was in some sort of trance, all he could think about was getting this
man off him.

He didn't think, it was an instinct thing, almost primeval, his head
launched at the man, catching him on gthe bridge of the nose, he heard
the sound of bone on bone, it had a satisfying crunching sound, like
the end of a drum solo when the drummer clashed the symbals.

The man's hands lost their grip, he toppled onto his back, stunned.
Terry realised he had unleashed the perfect butt. Everything stopped,
people looked at him stunned, he was stunned. He had never butted
anyone before, would never again do it, it was too perfect to repeat,
it had a terrible beauty. Terry wasn't violent, he hadn't been in a
fight in the 10 years since he left school.

The stunned silence was finally broken by Jane, she became Mrs
organised, gathered together their collection of coats, "Ok, we're all
going, and started herding them out of the living room. Terry looked
around, the man had got up and was holding his head. He walked towards
Terry..."Did you see who head butted me ?" he asked, "I think he left
mate" was Terry's reply. The Perfect Butt had left the guy clueless as
to who had perfected it...