The Five Stages of the Process of Seeking Proof of the Existence of Speed Pigeons

STAGE 1. ( “In the car” )

Watch out for the speed pigeon!
The speed what?
Pigeon. It’s the latest innovation. Apparently speed cameras have become too obvious and detectable.
But how did you know that particularly pigeon was a speed pigeon?
I detected it with my Speed Pigeon Detector.
But-
I bought it on-line from the obscure and virtually unknown website of a Russian squirrel-wrangler, who also has a sideline of selling Speed Pigeon Detectors.
Okay…
You don’t believe me?
Well… I believe you bought something from someone on a website who claims to be a Russian squirrel-wrangler who also has a sideline of selling Speed Pigeon Detectors.
I’ll show you the website later.
Okay…

STAGE 2. ( “The website” )

There!
It does seem authentic.
Told you!
But how do you know the widget you’ve fitted to your car doesn’t just flash and beep whenever a normal pigeon flies past?
Are you doubting the veracity of www.ottovonspurious.com?
I’m just saying that--
Come with me…

STAGE 3. ( “First Proof” )

So remind me why we’re sitting in the middle of a field with your “Speed Pigeon Detector”…
This particular field is known for its high pigeon activity.
But I can’t see any--
Wait!... Okay, here comes one now… There!
“There” what?
It didn’t flash or beep!
Which proves…?
That that particular pigeon was not a speed pigeon!
Hmm…
Now what?
It could mean that your detector merely failed to detect that pigeon.
O ye of little faith!
I’m just saying--
There!
What?
Another pigeon just flew past! A speed pigeon! Which was detected by my Speed Pigeon Detector!
I missed that--
Oh for God’s--… There! Another one! Did you see that?
Yes, I saw that one…
So now do you see? Now do you believe?
It could be just coincidence… random chance…
What do I have to do to convince you? How can I open your eyes to the truth?
I suppose it just comes down to what you believe…
You’ve got to believe in something!
In speed pigeons?
Why not?
Hmm…
Right, let’s settle this…

STAGE 4. ( “To Russia” )

I never thought I’d be on a plane to Russia to prove the existence or otherwise of speed pigeons…
I can’t have you thinking I’m a gullible fool.
I never said--
It was implied.
If you say so…
I do! Now if… when!... Otto Von Spurious proves the existence of speed pigeons, will you let the matter lie?
Of course.
Good! Because we’re about to land in Minsk...

STAGE 5. ( “Spurious” )

Now are you convinced?
By what?
By Otto Von Spurious’s demonstration.
You mean the way he took us into the Siberian Tundra with a “Speed Pigeon Detector,” which sometimes flashed and beeped and sometimes didn’t flash and beep whenever a pigeon flew past?
Yes!
Well, I’m convinced by one thing…
What?
I never thought pigeons could survive in the Siberian Tundra.
Nnnggfff!

[ CONCLUSION ]