One Nil Down. Chapter 1

One Nil Down. Chapter One.

Jimmy Macaulay ran along the cobbled alleyway behind the terraced houses. He jumped the black bin bags left by the dustmen, ripped open by the feral cats and dogs that inhabited the outbuildings in the adjacent back yards. Yards shut off from prying eyes by weather beaten graffiti covered timber gates.
His football team had won by three goals to nil, a cause for celebration in the Macaulay household.
Jimmy opened the yard gate to his home and looked the fifteen feet across the paved yard past the outside toilet to the back door.
The stench of dog crap and urine hung as a cloud in the air. Jimmy’s dad stood with his back to him to the right of the back door in front of the kitchen window. Urinating in the grid while swaying from side to side with one arm resting on the window sill singing ‘I did it my way’.
‘Christ dad it’s like a bloody minefield’ Jimmy shouted looking at the numerous deposits around the yard from the arse of his dads’ whippet. Each deposit varied in consistency depending on what the weekly budget had been able to afford to feed it. Looking at the freshest it would seem the dog was getting left over soup.
His dad turned ‘bloody hell’ he said, ‘I thought you were your Aunt Peg’.
‘Do you always greet her with that in your hand?’ Jimmy asked looking down at the front of his dads’ jeans.
His dad swayed back, realising his undoing he began to re stable his tackle, dribbling down the leg of his jeans.
Every other Saturday was the same, James Macaulay senior would go to the football match when his team where playing at home and following the game he would go on to the ‘Dog and Gun’ public house to celebrate or commiserate depending on the result. Either outcome he would arrive home in the same inebriated state.
He looked around the yard and back at Jimmy taking a few seconds to focus on his face. ‘Clean this crap up’ he shouted, waving his arms wildly. He pitched forward then miraculously regained his balance. Jimmy sighed with relief if his dads seventeen stone frame had fallen onto him they would have both ended up rolling round the floor.
Leaning back against the wall his dad belched loudly. ‘When you’ve cleaned up come inside. Without waiting for an answer he turned and staggered inside leaning against the door frame to raise his leg and pass wind.
Jimmy looked up at the rear bedroom window to see Lizzy his sister laughing at him. Sticking two fingers up at her he then tip toed through the excrement to the outside tap and yard brush by the back door. The dog whimpered from inside the outside toilet and scratched at the bottom of the door. The toilet had been its home for the last two months since Jimmy’s dad had brought it home from the Dog and Gun as his latest money spinning idea with the assurance it had an excellent race winning pedigree was kennel club registered and house trained. The dog was being paid for in instalments and the paperwork would be handed over on the final payment, Items that with the passage of time seemed less and less likely to be authentic. On the first night and several consecutive nights the dog had cocked its leg on every piece of furniture and left a steaming present in the centre of the sitting room floor. As a result the animal had been banished to the outside toilet.
Turning on the outside tap Jimmy brushed everything across the paved yard under the gap below the gate and into the drainage channel in the cobbled alleyway.
Walking back towards the house Jimmy kicked the outside toilet door ‘whippet’ Jimmy muttered ‘I wish somebody would bloody whip it’
Turning the tap off he walked into the kitchen.