Mesmerised

Cherry

By Rhiannonw

Sat, 03 Mar 2018
  • 2399 reads
11 comments
 

This is a revision of a piece I posted some years ago, and based on a Welsh poem called ‘Y Gwenci’ (The Weasel) by R Williams Parry, that I liked very much (content and poetic skill) in my childhood.

“I stood transfixed, just stared ahead,
I could not move my gaze or tremble, shake.
They thought me rooted, stiff and lifeless, dead,
and deaf to claps and shouts – I could not wake,
for mesmerised, engrossed, as in a trance         
by what the puzzled watchers did not see
– the tiny creature’s beady eye, and dance
froze all my limbs, unable to break free;
when they returned they saw me darting fast,
they thought I raced my kit – who won the sprint?
(too late my legs had loosed to move at last)
– the snake-like biter with the white shirt front.”
    One watcher stunned wrote down the tale in verse –
    their country walk, with shock – its telling terse.

[IP: Immobile]

 

Certificate U
Poem
Nature
Nature
Inspiration Point (work that responds to our weekly writing cue)

Comments

Submitted by celticman on

terse, indeed, hard to break free from inhumaniity. 

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thanks, Celt, though there we have the tooth and claw of animal prey and preyed, and the sympathy of the surprised human watchers! Rhiannon

 

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Cherries appreciated, thanks. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

Is this a translation? If so you are so clever to have made it just as tense and involving as the original must have been for you to have admired its poetic skill. Your version is wonderful. "snake like biter with the white shirt front" sounds vicious

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thanks, no, not a translation, but the ideas used, the same tale told. I think a weasel's bite must be quite vicious. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

This was such an atmospheric piece, I could feel the tension throughout.

Very professional too.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thank you, Jenny. I'm glad the tension kept up, as that came through in the original. Maybe helped by the tight sonnet form. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by airyfairy on

It does indeed have the lilt of a folk tale.  Beautiful piece, Rhiannon.  

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thank you, Airy. Folk poem, but the telling of a true story probably! Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Denzella on

Hello Rhiannon,

Weasels do, I think. give the impression they might give a vicious bite.  That you could appreciate the content and skill of the poet in childhood seems to me to pave the way for your own content and skill in adulthood.  Enjoyed this step into nature back in time.

Moya 

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thank you, Moyo, nice to hear from you. I think the Welsh poet's skill probably meant he could write simply as well as attractively. And I probably had a good teacher reading it with us at first! Yes, I think they have a vicious bite. I think this behaviour of mesmerising the rabbit is more often spoken about for the stoat, but probably both do it, and distinguishing between weasels and stoats when quickly seen is apparently very difficult. Rhiannon