Raging Man

By seekerofwords

Thu, 24 Apr 2008
  • 1181 reads
3 comments
 

violence is such
a dark emotion
which clouds
your judgement
and afterwards
you feel
dazed
by the way
you have behaved
if only you would
have counted to ten
or gone out
for a walk to calm down
well maybe
you'll heed
these words next time
either that or be left
without me as your wife

(C)2008 Lenny Gazbowski
(akaseeker ofwords)

Certificate U
Poem
Emotional Match Play
Miscellaneous

Comments

Submitted by animan on
This strikes me as a compelling and taut poem - and if a real cry from the heart, then I'm sorry. I don't know if this a bit irritating, given the content of the poem, but I'd change 'violence' to 'rage', as violence isn't, conventionally at least, seen as an emotion and maybe, if you feel it necessary, work into the poem that the rage may have bled into violence. Sorry.

 

Submitted by seekerofwords on
I will take on board the suggestion you made re: violence to rage. I'm a great believer in working on a poem or short story until you have acheived your own seal of approval. My hero, Leonard Cohen sometimes works for years on a piece until he is satisfied. So, I shall be working on this piece for a while. Lenny smile with each heartbeat

easy on the mayo dude!

Submitted by staticshakedown on
Great ending!