Being Korean-American 3

My mother, my mother. She was into upward mobility. She wanted me to go to a better school. She made me take the SSATs. I did not do very well. The fact is that I had confessed to her that I had smoked pot with friends while attending Welsh Valley Middle School. Not at Welsh Valley Middle but here and there. We cried together and I promised her I would never smoke pot again.

Somehow I got into the Hill School in Pottstown Pennsylvania. No coincidence. It was one of the top schools in the nations. Perhaps because I was funny, the teachers had written me good recommendations. Perhaps it was luck. Perhaps it was affirmative action for Korean-Americans. I don't know. I still have no clue how I got into such an elite school with B's and C's. Perhaps it was because it was one of the top Middle Schools in Pennsylvania. I don't know. What a long strange trip it's been as the Grateful Dead say.

I didn't know how to adjust. I had to wear suits all the time. There were no girls. No reason to be funny. There were times for studying. There were times for turning off the light and going to sleep. No time for masturbation. There were times for getting up. There were times for... I don't know. At first, I felt like a real idiot. My geometry teacher had graduated from the Harvard School of Education. Boy was he mean!!!! I had to do things exactly the way he wanted or he would give me a D. There is no one way to eat a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I hated him at first, but over time, I began to see it his way. I would study geometry for 1 1/2 a day. Wait, let me go back. Around November, my English teacher whom I admired had made us read The Old Man and the Sea. It inspired me to struggle with my lazy nature. Besides, he was cool. He was dating the Headmaster's daughter and he was a hockey player. He was sometimes late for class. He got infuriated when our class left the class empty when he didn't show up or showed up 15 minutes late. Where was I? Oh yes, The Old Man and the Sea. That's when I really began to study hard. I raised my grade geometry grade up from a C or a D to an A-. My Biolage grade I also raised from a C to a solid B.

This is when I met some Koreans at school. They finally began talking to me. "I thought you were stupid," some of them said. I intuited that a Korean had to be smart.

I tried to study hard, to really learn the material. I did not know then that I had bipolar disorder. I felt pent up, anxious. I found myself masturbating to Penthouse and other magazines. Another student almost found me out. They made fun of a Jewish student who was caught maturbating. Some students masturbated in the shower. Some while on the toilet. I didn't want to be caught.

I was stressed. I was anxious. I had heard that the Seniors and Juniors smoked pot with teachers. I didn't know what to believe.

I got drunk with a few of my friends. I was caught. They questioned me. I was so sick of these questions. I had been working my butt off. They had questioned me about exams. They had asserted that I had cheated. It was untrue. Was I on trial? I was sick of it all. I felt I was being hunted. I wanted to go home. My geometry teacher, after a three day suspension, was tutoring me. I had admired him so much. I smelled vodka on his breath.

The sheer hypocrisy of it all. Meanwhile, my roommate, who cheated all the time. There was no trial for him.

I needed a nice, long sleep on the beach. I left the school after I broke down in front of a reverend.