The Gospel According to Dave Chapter 1

1 I liked Jesus. He did some good things and was a decent bloke. I met his family who I found rather smug. 2 You'd think they were gods or something. 3 His house smelt of stale Italian cheese and his horse had an injured leg. 4. 'Jesus!' said I. 'Why is your horse lame? Surely as the son of God would cure him?' 5. 'Ah' said Jesus. You must understand that this horse defecates everywhere so he deserves to be lame'. 6. 'But surely you could cure that?' 'Look' said The Messiah 'Just shut up and fix my door, OK?