Mind Over Matter

For a moment I let my guards down and let my self be distracted by a sudden rush of romance which only lasted for less than a week. It was only physical attraction for him anyway. I thought he liked me for who I am. So stupid of me. I should not let my self wallow. I will refocus myself in reality. I must prioritize the things I have to do. No more late night drinking and no more fatal attraction. I must focus on my mother’s health as she is having a horrible cough now. Tomorrow is my mother’s birthday and we don’t have money to buy her anything special. I have some money and I do want to give her a special birthday full of efforts and of love. I want her to feel that we love her. I’m already tired but I will make sure that I wake up early in the morning to get her something special for her birthday. It’s not such a horrible situation. She doesn’t ask for anything for tomorrow neither does she want us to spend a single peso for her birthday. That’s how martyr my mother is. I love her with all my heart and I want her to feel that she is very much appreciated and loved. No more thinking of relationships for me, no more… I can’t even engage myself in a typical relationship so I will not think of being involved in one with me being a third party. No, I will not do that. I will be wise. All these lovey dovey emotions are normal but I will fight it over and I will win. I will take control of the situation. Never will I let my emotions drag me down. I will do this for myself and for my family because in the end it is I who will get hurt. Although I know I can learn a lesson through trials like these, I won’t risk my heart this time because I need to focus on my studies. Although the heart matters, this time it’s mind over matter. Never again will I be vulnerable.