I'd change the structure. So you have verses of 5, 3, 3, 5. The first 2 verses I'd leave. 'a soubrette I had met' can go and the third line, 'a dancer from the Moulin Rouge'....
Yes, I like this a lot. But I don't know that the words 'grudgingly' and 'innocently' fit. Because then it's an opinion of what you see and not what you see. But that's just my opinion. WCW is an imagist? Right?
Oh yes, me too. I love the unexpected use of flowers. I particularly like, 'She had a lilac core' and the final 2 lines, because the admiration comes across in a completely unsentimental way. Steadfast.
I agree. Like the movement
Posted on Thu, 14 Nov 2019
I agree. Like the movement between the images and also the final two lines.
A couple of things. I can't see how a 'car slams shut'. 'a car door slams, shut, cocoons...'
What's 'bouguet'? Do you mean bouquet?
Read full commentPosted in layers
I love the setting.
Posted on Tue, 12 Nov 2019
I love the setting.
Just an opinion.
I'd change the structure. So you have verses of 5, 3, 3, 5. The first 2 verses I'd leave. 'a soubrette I had met' can go and the third line, 'a dancer from the Moulin Rouge'....
Read full commentPosted in Godot
Love it Mark. And miserably
Posted on Tue, 12 Nov 2019
Love it Mark. And miserably funny too.
Read full commentPosted in Shrinkage
Yes, I like this a lot. But I
Posted on Sat, 09 Nov 2019
Yes, I like this a lot. But I don't know that the words 'grudgingly' and 'innocently' fit. Because then it's an opinion of what you see and not what you see. But that's just my opinion. WCW is an imagist? Right?
Read full commentPosted in By Lendal Bridge
There were some startling
Posted on Sun, 07 Jul 2019
There were some startling images in this one, the figure falling from the tower block, the kids hunting for rats. And the mum was a sad figure.
Read full commentPosted in All Architects Are Called Zach (Part 2, words, 1,756)
Oh yes, me too. I love the
Posted on Tue, 05 Nov 2019
Oh yes, me too. I love the unexpected use of flowers. I particularly like, 'She had a lilac core' and the final 2 lines, because the admiration comes across in a completely unsentimental way. Steadfast.
Read full commentPosted in The Language of Dead Flowers
I enjoyed this. The opening
Posted on Sat, 02 Nov 2019
I enjoyed this. The opening line is wonderful. Am I being thick? Are there two Severn Bridges?
Read full commentPosted in Travelling down the Wye Valley 28/10/19
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