Little Frigging In The Wold

By hadley

These stories are taken from the official Little Frigging In The Wold blog featuring tales of everyday rural perversions from the village of Little-Frigging-In-The-Wold, in the county of Upper Thyghspreader, deep in the rural heart of England.

The village pub is The Pervert's Appendage and the village newspaper is Little-Frigging-In-The-Wold Gleaner.

Just some of the local characters you may meet in these tales:

1. The narrator – Norbert Trouser-Quandary. A farmer specialising in the husbandry of free-range hairstylists and the breeding for the market of farm-assured lawyers.

2. The narrator's wife – Maureen Trouser-Quandary. Manageress of the Little Frigging In The Wold Inter-Village Orgy Team

3. Ex-Army Colonel and local magistrate - Colonel Fitz-Tightly

4. The Post Mistress - Labia Entanglements

5. The librarian (couple with No. 6) - Miss Lesley Mufflapper

6. The assistant librarian (couple with No. 5) - Miss Margie Mingefinger

7. The Cake-Shop Manageress - Fanny Knickerless

8. Retired Badger-Mollifier - Old Feebletrousers

9. Ex-Cream Horn Wrangler - Grand Old Uncle Stagnant

10. The Little Frigging vicar - Rev. Counter

11. LFITW Riding School Proprietor - Jenny Moist-Gusset

12. Local handyman and voyeur - Bert Splodge

13. Blacksmith - Strom Thighhammer

14. LFITW Gleaner Editor - Foaming Lickspittle

15. LFITW Gleaner Sports Correspondent - Sherry Ventilator

16. World Champion Village Idiot - Spage Braindribble

17. Little Frigging Village Policeman - PC Ghonnemadd

18. Little Frigging Antique Shop proprietor - Minge Peccadillo

19. Little Frigging Village Doctor - Minnie Strayshuns

20. Little Frigging Village Nurse - Pam Purring

21. The Three Old Crones/Purveyors of Traditional Herbal Remedies/Witches - The Teeb Hags:

22. Splodge & Sons (Purveyors of Marital and Sexual aids to the gentry since 1789)

Neighbouring villages and their pubs:

1. Tupping-on-the-Marsh (pub: The Highway Man’s Floozie)

2. Greater Spadgecock (pub: The Elbow and Spatula)

3. Morningwood-in-the-LowerBack (pub: The Catamite In The Bush)

4. Titten-Growper (pub: The Shepherd’s Ewe And Wellies)

5. Much Piddling (pub: The Queen’s Gusset)

6. Lower Crotchstaine (pub: The Thatcher’s Demeanour)

Nearest Town: Upper Lower Spadgecock (pub: The Fox and Quantity Surveyor)

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Official World Fondle A Friend Day

By hadley on Wed, 09 Feb 2011

As you may have noticed, today I am wearing my besequined librarian-fondling hat and sheepskin fetish mittens.
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Certificate 15

(Not) The Beast From The Swamp

By hadley on Fri, 12 Aug 2011

It begins, slowly rising out of the swamp like a lawyer at dawn. We clutch our poking sticks to our chests in trepidation as the vague shape stumbles out of the mists towards us.
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Certificate 12

A Lady’s Guide to Fetishes

By hadley on Wed, 18 Aug 2010

Ladies, if, at one breakfast time, the man you love – or you, at least, tolerate for the time being - slaps down a photograph of a uniformed policewoman licking an ice cream, and then begins to plea
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Certificate 18

A Stroll Through Little Frigging

By hadley on Wed, 22 May 2013

You may desire to dance like a terpsichorean structural engineer through the haberdashery section of your department store world, but down here, on the farm there are more pressing matters afoot.
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Certificate PG

Adult Education and Perversion

By hadley on Fri, 09 Sep 2011

It sometimes happens that those who do not normally engage in the fully deviational lifestyle as a matter of habit* sometimes – just out of curiosity – feel they would like to try, sample or exper
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Certificate 15

Advanced Sexual Perversions – Lesson 1

By hadley on Wed, 20 Apr 2011

Now, if you tether the donkey 73.25 degrees widdershins of the last Tupping Shed to the left (facing North), they apply the parsnip, gently in a clockwise motion until it is fully seated, then – and
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Certificate 15

Applied Fresh Cream Cake Perversions

By hadley on Wed, 22 Dec 2010

We are all - by now, I’m sure – very familiar with such fresh cream cake-based perversions as the Double Cream Horn, the Chocolate Éclair Surprise and the Cost Accountant Fondant Fancy such thing
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Certificate 15

Badger Procurement Mechanism Taxation

By hadley on Wed, 02 Mar 2011

The Chief Turbo-Weasel And/Or Donkey-Powered Indifferent Badger Procurement Mechanism Taxation Evaluation Management Inspector is a bit of a mouthful*, so we just tend to call him Rupert.
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Certificate 12

Bicycle Clips

By hadley on Wed, 15 Dec 2010

The indifferent herbaceous borders stare back with insufficient regard as to the overwhelming significance of our bespoke bicycle clips as they glitter and glister in the morning sunlight, as Maureen
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Certificate 15

Bumf Oddball's 'How To Watch Wife-Swappers'

By hadley on Wed, 23 Feb 2011

Tonight BBC3.1428 sees the first programme in the new 'how to watch' series staring Bumf Oddball.
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Certificate 12
Cherry

Charabanc Trip

By hadley on Wed, 20 Oct 2010

Now then, it seems that some of you have not filled out and returned your application forms for this years annual weekend trip to the Naughtie Islands.
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Certificate 15

Christmas Gift Scrutiny And Charity Calendars

By hadley on Wed, 12 Jan 2011

These days sometimes even an in-depth audit, or a detailed study of our accounts, cannot get us fully aroused in time for the next village orgy.
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Certificate 15
Cherry

The Immersion of the Teeb Hags

By hadley on Thu, 18 Jul 2013

Now, as we stand sex-weasels akimbo, at the very edge of the Little Frigging village boundary, near the river Teeb, we are ready to partake in a picturesque ceremony dating right back to the invention
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Certificate 12
Cherry

First All-Village Orgy Advice

By hadley on Wed, 08 Sep 2010

‘If in doubt, always grease the wallaby first,’ wise words, I’m sure you will all agree.
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Certificate 18

Inter-Village Orgy League: Match Report

By hadley on Wed, 15 Sep 2010

Well, now. We are approaching the halfway point in this year's Upper Thyghspreader Inter-Village Orgy League.
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Certificate 18

Rural Post Offices

By hadley on Wed, 29 Sep 2010

There has been some talk recently in the media about the fate of Rural Post Offices.
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Certificate 15

Undercover Wartime Perversions

By hadley on Fri, 08 Oct 2010

So… anyway….
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Certificate 15

Sex, Pies And Sellotape

By hadley on Wed, 13 Oct 2010

Everyone gathered here – more than likely – does not need me to tell them of the delights that can ensue from Sellotaping a Cornish Pasty to an assistant librarian.
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Certificate 15
Cherry

In Pursuit of the Woman with the Feathered Hat

By hadley on Wed, 27 Oct 2010

The government’s wilfully stupid outlawing of many traditional rural pursuits such as fox hunting, estate agent immolation, the intermarriage of close relatives, animal ‘husbandry’ and even the
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Certificate 15

Is Pole-Vaulting Considered A Sexual Perversion?

By hadley on Wed, 03 Nov 2010

In the usual course of affairs pole-vaulting is not often considered to be one of the great, or noble, perverted arts.
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Certificate 15

The All-Nude Orienteering and Woodland Sexual Perversion Club

By hadley on Wed, 10 Nov 2010

If you go down to the woods today, you are in for a big surprise.
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Certificate 15

Sex Weasel Spanners

By hadley on Wed, 01 Dec 2010

It is not often that I write about my extensive - and rather enviable - collection of Sex Weasel Spanners, and today will be no exception.
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Certificate 15

On Receiving One’s First Brace of Sex Spatulas

By hadley on Wed, 29 Dec 2010

The first time a putative young pervert first gets his or her hands on their very first set of sex spatulas can be a very heady (if they are very lucky) experience indeed.
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Certificate 15

Inter-Village Orgy League Match Tactics

By hadley on Wed, 05 Jan 2011

Of course a cona… a conos… a conni… a person interested in the finer points of orgy tactics such as your erstwhile self will be familiar with most plays utilised in Inter-Village orgies, especia
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Certificate 15

Fruit-Based Perversions

By hadley on Wed, 19 Jan 2011

Oranges are not the only fruit useful for perversions. A raspberry placed with care and accuracy on a cake shop manageress can often be very rewarding indeed.
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Certificate 15

The Scented Allotment

By hadley on Wed, 02 Feb 2011

Toast Stoataffronter is now not really one of the most famous of people. After all, neither you nor I have ever heard of him before.
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Certificate 15

On The Importance Of Pre-Orgy Warm-Ups

By hadley on Fri, 18 Feb 2011

Well, here we are again, all together on this fine… er… nice… er… not too inclement morn.
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Certificate 15

The Secret Rites Of Folk Singers

By hadley on Wed, 16 Mar 2011

Those of you who have heard the fearsome ululations of the wild folk singers when they manage to capture a feral banjo, wild guitar or bestial accordion will know the dread that creeps down the spine
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Certificate 12

Woodland Perversions – A Practical Guide

By hadley on Fri, 15 Apr 2011

So, what becomes of the broken sex weasel grommet?
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Certificate 15

The Perverted Races

By hadley on Mon, 25 Apr 2011

However, when our knees begin to oscillate with the tremulous desire for more advanced kinds of naughtiness we know we have little choice but to make sure the wheelbarrow is oiled and the unicycle is
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Certificate 15

Strictly Come Village Orgying

By hadley on Wed, 04 May 2011

There was much excitement in the village this weekend as Little Frigging made it through to the semi-finals of the BBC’s Strictly Come Village Orgying.
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Certificate 15

Little Frigging Amateur Dramatics Society Present:

By hadley on Mon, 09 May 2011

So… well, there you have it. Or, if you prefer, just over there, slightly more to the left of widdershins, you have it. Now, well…. Ah….
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Certificate 15

Open-Air Orgies and Their Drawbacks

By hadley on Mon, 23 May 2011

Spring is upon us and I trust you all (both of you) have your sexual arousal spatulas fully-oiled (with turbo-weasel spleen oil) ready for the new season’s round of orgies, as it will not be long no
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Certificate 15

Grand Uncle Stagnant – The Early Years

By hadley on Mon, 20 Jun 2011

Whilst it is true that all the gentlemen in the village of Little Frigging do all boast a more than averagely well-filled trouser, Grand Uncle Stagnant stands well out to the forefront, compared to mo
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Certificate 12

The Use of Punts

By hadley on Mon, 04 Jul 2011

Here we all stand, resplendent in our bejewelled orgy capes and waders, ready for the another orgy out here on the village green.
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Certificate 15

The Seemingly Endless Perversions of Summer

By hadley on Fri, 15 Jul 2011

Pause awhile – you may put the cucumber down and allow your post mistress to finish knitting her current row, before replacing the lid on the butter dish, if necessary – and consider the lily.
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Certificate 15

Little Frigging In The Wold – The Computer Game

By hadley on Fri, 29 Jul 2011

Last week, having exploited many of the more lucrative methods of relieving tourists of their money, the Little Frigging Village Council decided to explore other revenue-creating avenues.
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Certificate 15

Shared Misgivings

By hadley on Fri, 26 Aug 2011

Well, once you have fully greased the underside of you stock-control assistant, then there is little to stop you attaching the cowbell to the suitably-restrained geography supply teacher.
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Certificate 12

The Care Of Recently-Hatched Lawyers

By hadley on Fri, 16 Sep 2011

No doubt, when next summer arrives your first early spring batches of Lawyer eggs will soon hatch out into tadpoles - if you are lucky.
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Certificate U

Throw the Bums a Dime

By hadley on Fri, 23 Sep 2011

"Once upon a time you dressed so fine / You threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn’t you?"*
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Certificate 12

Perverts of Myth and Legend

By hadley on Fri, 30 Sep 2011

Now as I was young and easy under the apple boughs About the lilting house and happy as the grass was green, The night above* the woods was haunted by the wailing of the bestial accordions as we sat a
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Certificate 18

Twelve Sexual Perversions that Changed the World - A Review

By hadley on Fri, 07 Oct 2011

This book, by Little-Frigging-In-The-Wold's only true celebrity, Lord Mervin (Luxuriant) Hairstylings, the presenter of TV's long running South Bonk and of In Our Tupping Shed on Radio 4, is a robust
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Certificate 15

The Lawyers go to Market

By hadley on Fri, 14 Oct 2011

Well, there you go then. Isn't that nice?
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Certificate PG

Youthful Erections

By hadley on Fri, 06 Jan 2012

As it happens the moistness or otherwise of a small furry mammal matters little when trying to bring it up to full operating temperature.
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Certificate 15

The Majestic Herds of Hairstylists

By hadley on Fri, 27 Jan 2012

It is not often, these days - outside the more popular and notorious Mediterranean holiday resorts - to see an entire massive herd of hairstylists as they sweep majestically across the beaches in sear
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Certificate 15

On Brussels Sprouts and Other Erotica

By hadley on Fri, 24 Feb 2012

Concerning the Brussels Sprouts of our fevered erotic imaginings and longings, it is not hard – although it soon will be – to see why such sexually-provocative brassicas have such a firm grip on o
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Certificate 15

The Naked Pogo Stick Steeplechase

By hadley on Fri, 30 Mar 2012

Summer is, at last, in the air and so it is time for all the denizens of Little Frigging to dust off our pogo sticks and meet on the village green for the first of this year’s Naked Pogo Stick Steep
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Certificate 15

French Inter-Village Orgy Tour

By hadley on Wed, 13 Mar 2013

The very weasels of our anticipation are all atremble with the prospect of next weekend’s encounter between the currently on-form Little Frigging Inter-village Orgy squad and the leading French side
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Certificate 15
Cherry

The All-New Perversion Proximity Detector App

By hadley on Mon, 07 Apr 2014

There is good news for anyone who no longer wishes to suffer the inconvenience of searching for a nearby orgy. Now there is no more suffering undue...
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Certificate 15