Web

By lenchenelf

Wed, 28 Jan 2009
  • 3106 reads
8 comments
 

Inch by Insey Winsey
Red spider veins
Startle against white
Wedding memories;

Bloodlines sparkle
In place of lace,
Fresh as the day
They were born.

Certificate U
Poem
Lacework
Love

Comments

Submitted by jennifer on
Superb imagery, marred by the initial nursery rhyme reference, which is soooo out of place... J x

 

Submitted by lenchenelf on
Thanks J, I see your point, but the ref. stays as a keytone for the piece of gradually aging,lacemakers measure their work in inches. The girl replaced by woman, the mother and how some things may fade into unimportance supplanted by a different hue :-) atb L

 

Submitted by jennifer on
In that case, I suggest three verses, to represent the three ages of woman you are representing, so that you can really get that across to the reader. J x

 

Submitted by lenchenelf on
Thanks for the input J, but I saw it as girl, woman, mother superimposed as a fluctuating self-image, the only reason it was seperated into two stanzas was for breathing space, the thought behind the piece did not naturally partition itself chronologically. I did wonder at turning this into a more conventionally stylised piece, but chose to leave it, as I often do with small thoughts, for others to shape the images and their meaning through their own filters and personalise them, as we all do. atb L

 

Submitted by jennifer on
Fair enough. I am simply coming at the site from the angle 'Have I taken this piece of writing as far as I can?', that's all. I can only offer my opinion, which is why we post here. I understand your argument perfectly; you have justfied well! To me, the piece just feels like a work in progress. J x

 

Submitted by lenchenelf on
Understandable and thanks again, in a sense it is in progress :-) as I hope (probably erroneously) some of the small pieces I offer may engage each reader in the process. I've much to learn :-) atb L

 

Submitted by littleditty on

 

 

Submitted by lenchenelf on

Thanks for reading x