Patience

I’m apprehensive every time
before I take the test.
I’ll be okay, I’m in my prime,
just hoping for the best.

Audaciously anticipate,
today will be the day.
Relying on the hand of fate
to chase my blues away.

A ritual I must create
around this precious stick.
I set my watch and sit and wait,
the names I start to pick.

Three minutes while I dare to dream,
imagining the joy.
I can’t conceal a blissful beam,
while thinking – girl or boy?

The beeping watch alerts my mind,
my apprehension shows.
Those tangled thoughts I must unwind,
accepting what life throws.

I pick it up and look real close.
Blue lines I want to see.
But yet again, I feel morose -
no babe this month for me.

I fear no-one can understand
how grief runs through my veins.
It squeezes with the cruellest hand,
till just a shell remains.

My need is great to be a mum.
That feeling won’t depart.
But faith tells me my time will come
to fill my empty heart.