Inside (For Haiti)

She lay on the bed. A hand strayed to her tummy. She could hardly believe it. After years of cradling the unbearable lightness of her desperation she hardly dared hope. And yet, this morning, this very morning, saw the bluest of blue horizons. After years of red dusk and pink dawns she felt different. Soon she would no longer beat at the door of this, as yet, elusive coven - but blow it down: the queue had been long and the bouncers merciless. Till now, no amount of spells, sooth-sayers or sacrifices had taken effect. She hugged herself. If you could eat for two could you smile for two, she thought? Her mind wandered. She was totally unprepared for the company. Her possessions, along with her house, her car, her cat and her Jimmy had seen the centre of the earth, were bewitched by it, and had been consumed. She had had the good sense to look the other way. And here she was, amongst strangers, all of whom had turned away from the magic and turned towards each other. If only her Jimmy had listened. Outside women sang, children played and men gambled what few coins they had.

Inside, though she could feel nothing out of the ordinary things were different. Somehow, she knew. Magic of a different kind was taking place. The earth had not swallowed her – she had swallowed it - and in time she would make an offering, would give back to it a small part of what it had taken from others. Lately, it had become greedy. Its hunger hardly sated. Too many people were falling for its tricks. It had become devious. It did not listen to those who whispered in the dark: they could tell since their prayers echoed back to them on the wind; their tears were stolen and reappeared from the sky; they were bathed in salt water, instead of holy water, and their stomachs rumbled daily and painfully. At one time their magic had been a match for Mother Nature. Now, they were weak. By the time her baby arrived there was no telling how strong would be Mother Nature’s displeasure and what punishments she would see fit to exact. But it didn’t matter, not now. Now was time for hope, she thought. Surely she was allowed to believe in new beginnings: for wasn’t a new beginning growing inside her?

She would need all her cunning to stay alive and nurture the life inside. She would need to summon all her strength – for now, though surrounded, she was alone. She wasn’t sure why Mother Nature had seen fit to spare her but she knew that she must not anger her lest she provoke her wrath. For now all was calm. The frenzy of the last few days had ceased. Around her was devastation: inside her salvation. She must stand up and be counted. She must deliver her promise.