17 minutes

By shoe

Tue, 02 Mar 2010
  • 2405 reads
11 comments
 

I went out today,
the reality felt raw,
the light blinding.
I didn't look at anyone's face,
only their shoes and boots
which were muddied from the rain.
My coat felt to big,
my hair unwashed.

I needed to buy bread,
the shop door was closed,
there were people inside, warm, dry,
blurry brightly lit faces,
mouths open in conversation, or laughter.
I stood looking,
A transparent image of my eyes looked back.

As I watched,
I became less distinct, diaphanous, dissolved.
the rain trickled down the back of my neck,
my feet were wet.
I was out for 17 minutes
before I cried.

Certificate U
Poem
You're O.K, I'm not O.K
Miscellaneous

Comments

Submitted by Kahdai on
Come in shoe, for a nice, warm cuppa by the fire and you can wash your hair here too, if you want :) I had to look up diaphanous, and I'm glad. It sounds like you needed to psych yourself up for a bit longer, before going out on your own. K xx

"I will make sense with a few reads \^^/ "

Submitted by shoe on
Ha,ha, two sugars please, and I do you have biscuits? :~}

 

Submitted by kheldar on
Hi Shirley, This is one I can really relate too. The whole poem works really well and has a great flow. Great stuff. David xx :--) P.S. do you suppose we might be twins sepersted at birth? (another I.P. perhaps?)

cool

Submitted by Kahdai on
Of course! Chocolate digestives, custard creams, ginger nuts and bourbons! ;) xx

"I will make sense with a few reads \^^/ "

Submitted by shoe on
David, That would explain a whole lot! :~D, I am now trying to gain a mental image of you to use in my next poem, hmmm...I will have to use poetic license, That would be a challenging I.P though wouldn't it!! xx

 

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
'I became less distinct, diaphanous, dissolved.' - I love the alliteration in this line, Shirley! Another beautiful and moving poem ;) Magic xxx

 

Submitted by rjnewlyn on
Wonderful. I liked the idea towards the end of temporarily melting. A good feeling of delirium.

 

Submitted by shoe on
Thank you Magic, why use one word when three will do!! Pleased you like it,:~} Hi rjnewlyn, Delirium? hmm yes I can see that now, I think I was trying to get an unconnectedness, or of being in another place from the world around you. Glad you noticed the melting, thanks,:~}

 

Submitted by Kahdai on
Yes, I had a distant feeling too, when you looked through, and then /at/ the window, just seemed to lead your mind astray, I just wonder being 'out' do you mean unconscious? K xx

"I will make sense with a few reads \^^/ "

Submitted by shoe on
David, looks like we've been rumbled,lol,:~o

 

Submitted by Kahdai on
lol :)

"I will make sense with a few reads \^^/ "