Hall of Mirrors (Durham Ramblings)

"The thought of you stayed too late in my head..."

- Carol Ann Duffy

I'm good at brooding. Seriously,
no one can brood quite like me -
when I'm sat on a nameless bench
and the sky is just as moody.
Me and the weather - we're
in this together. Can always
complement each other.

Smoking is helpful when you're brooding -
especially when it's on the sly...
(My friends don't know, you see.)
Music is also good; headphones in,
world off. Keane, Bon Iver, The Killers -
that old 'list', remember?

The best time to brood is dusk,
or early morning - that's when
the cathedral glows, quite golden,
in the dusty, orange light.
Such light is held by the rusty
leaves of the trees that mourn
the passing of the River Wear.

Now, where was I? Oh yes -
brooding. Look... I'll admit,
sometimes, I do forget.
But when I remember,
oh boy do I remember!

I feel as if I'm wandering
through a hall of mirrors, keep
running into your reflection –
and I'm turning, spinning...
But can't get away from you.

For everyone else,
I wear a mask; I laugh
when Ryan does
his Mr Rochester impression,
and smile when Rose
mocks Hardy with a
melodramatic rendition
of 'The Voice'.

I revel in their
absolute ignorance of you.
Let it infect me, trying to kid
myself that I'm as blind
to your existence as they are -
that I don't see you standing
in front of me...

But I’m going to persevere,
knowing that one day,
all this brooding will turn
to laughter... And you won’t
just be a memory –
you’ll be sitting right there
on that bench next to me.