Butterfly Kisses

Hi there, Beeme. This is a very lovely poem;-) A small point in stanza 2. It can either read "Wishing they could be more like an inquisitive butterfly's landing." or "Wishing they could be more like inquisitive butterflies' landings." As for the last stanza, the only things I would change are 'pass' instead of 'passage', and 'paths' instead of 'pathways' which makes a pleasing rhyme. Apart from that it is quite beautiful. Well done;-) Tina xx

This has got really good, Beeme...and all in the time it takes me to have my bath;-) One tiny adjustment to a beautiful poem, and still on the subject of 'butterflies'...stanza 2 just needs an 'an' infront of 'inquisitive'. I.e. 'If they could re-create an inquisitive butterfly's landing...' And the last stanza reads so well now. Have a peaceful night. Tina xx

This is a poem of so many wonderful images, love the drunk joyriders greasing bronze skin, olive kisses - the only thing that does not seem to fit is the very last 'bad bits away', just feels like there is a better way of saying this more in keeping with the rest of the poem - but it might just be me Beeme. Really well done. :-)

Oh I think it does now, Beeme. I think it all works beautifully with the edits. That's what's so good about this site - we all need an objective view and are prepared to learn from eachother. I know I've asked before when I'm not sure. Well done you, xx

I think that works brilliantly now - the bone and pain fit nicely and it feels lighter in the right way with the 'lifting'- i'm probably talking absolute guff - and you made be blush to be called talented, most of the time i just feel as though i'm fumbling around in the dark when it comes to writing poems. Well done and enjoy the weekend. :-)

new Beeme What a good poetic poem colour describable full of colour. Like it all,especially butterfly kisses I dream up sun tanned males on a beach the sun shining.I love butterflies to The Red Admiral but not many around. have a good week-end.Well done now see the cherry! you worked hard at this one Oh after your lovely poem and butterflies I had to go and buy butterfly motives colours get daughter sew on something for me my black skirt match the guitars and music notes look great. And meter of material black chinese forgotten the word, all little colouful butterflies over certain way catches the light they shine. The Red Admiral I had a photo sitting on my table week beautiful colours something I am doing later. have a good week.Poems a wow now! julie xx

I'm not completely sure about the repetition of 'skin' in the first stanza but the last one is amazingly good. Rob

What about dropping rather than replacing the word? Is it actually needed in the three places? For example (but I'm no poet so please ignore if you want): Amongst the half shadows flashes of light travel across the surface, [or 'my surface'] casting their sultry shade. Their love-drunk hands imitating compassion, navigating like drunk joy-riders greasing bronzed skin. Rob

wow, this was a really smooth/fun read; i read it out loud and it was even better. loved the ending, also. great job! cheers, jose.

another lovely butterfly one Beeme xx K