Lover's Game
By shoe
Mon, 21 Feb 2011
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10 comments
I wanted to write a poem
play a lover's game
So I looked for the rhythm
the rhyming, in your name
I looked in the ascending sibilance;
like lips that part at the end of a kiss
The soft consonants at the begining;
shoulder to shoulder, like this, like bliss
I looked for a pattern
in the fluctuations of my heart
the waves of doubt, of hope, of love
that rise and fall, and stop and start
Is the rhythm in our thoughts
that circle and sway, meeting
teasing, almost revealing
then pulling, away, away
I failed to find the poetry
in the simple things we said
love's rhymes are shy
and like to hide
in our dreaming - synchronised -
in our fingers - intertwined -
in our breathing, in our bed
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Comments
This is great stuff. So many
Permalink Submitted by harveyjoseph on
This is great stuff. So many rhythmical patterns, repetitions, alliterations and rhymes which seem naturally worked for.
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this is beautiful. thanks
Permalink Submitted by jonahs cough on
this is beautiful. thanks shoe.
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Absolutely beautiful,
Permalink Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Absolutely beautiful, Shirley. It really reminds me of the poem 'Name' by Carol Ann Duffy! Love all the images of consonants and syllables. Wonderful!
Magic xxx
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I think this is beautiful
Permalink Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on
I think this is beautiful Shoe. You have a few typos:
play a lovers game - you need an apostrophe somewhere in lovers
love's rhymes are shy
and likes to hide - like to hide
sycronised - synchronised
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There are no weak lines in
There are no weak lines in your poems shoe, the stop start nature of this is so cleverly done and this cries out to be a performance piece. :-)
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Can't say anything more
Can't say anything more except to agree with all above. A really great poem, this.
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