Alternative Energy Sources

As you well know, the theoretical critical mass to start a chain reaction in a fully-rice-and-treacle-primed weasel horde is 27, which is just what we have here in this cage. According to theory, the weasel horde reaction should be self-sustaining, providing easily enough electricity - once plugged into the national electricity grid - to recharge three mobile phones whilst at the same time providing enough power for your toaster to char two slices of toast enough to set off next door’s smoke alarm on their upstairs landing.

Although, rice and treacle charged weasel power generation is still very much at the prototype stages, there is enough confidence within the scientific community as to its long-term prospects, and its relatively benign environmental impact (producing only trace quantities of carbon emissions from the treacle burnt in the weasel explosion) for the government to invest heavily in its further development.

Once the chain reaction is initiated, the popping weasels have to be confined within a strong spherical vessel capable of withstanding the enormous amounts of energy created when the weasels explode. This vessel also has to be quite easy to clean, as the remnants of the popped weasels have to be hosed out of the vessel at fairly regular intervals, otherwise the mixture of popped weasel, tuppenny rice and treacle will - eventually - impair the operation of the device and, ultimately, cause the chain reaction to fizzle out.

With a half-life of twelve and a half minutes, weasel-popping power generation has none of the long-term waste storage implications of either nuclear power, or - even - immolating the elderly* to produce electricity.

*Currently, this government's preferred option - allegedly.