I was an idiot at that party

I finished the three beers I'd brought with me
before I'd said hello to anyone
then I got tucked into the stash in the fridge
bottles of M&S Belgian beer in a carrier bag saying DO NOT TOUCH
but I was like a little kid in the cockpit
too tempted by the big red button

'Someone's drank my beers'
a man who seemed kind said and I covered my mouth
like a Home and Away actress
receiving bad news before the end credits roll
and I've got this hazy memory that he might
have just picked up his coat and left.

I was a dickhead at that party
with my pint of gin
(no-one uses tonic after midnight)
I was smoking in doors
wearing sunglasses in doors, dancing
William Shatnereing every song.

It was only the next morning I realised
a one man conga isn't a conga
it's just time to go home.