Scarred
By skinner_jennifer
Fri, 25 Nov 2011
- 9037 reads
31 comments
Her little Children cry
Mother's frozen in time,
the light drifts in through a
window of remembered love,
long forgotten blossom
carries her back through
whispered open time...
blood coursing her veins
remembering black leather,
slick...neat and sleek and
sold on that darn crazy beat,
he took her to music heaven
right across the dance floor,
they moved on a rhythm
that stood the test of time,
now the sunlight flickers
reflects her back again...
broken babies lie around,
then she hits the floor...
so scarred and broken
one shot but no sound.
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Comments
you convey a picture with
you convey a picture with turbulent emotions, also of an immense sadness....more and more things are braking down around us. Do you realize, Jennifer, we all have to start changing the world, find deeper meanings in life, be kinder to our fellow human beings...Your poem has a message!
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I very much liked:- now the
I very much liked:-
now the sunlight flickers
reflects her back again...
broken babies lie around,
then she hits the floor...
so scarred and broken
one shot but no sound.
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Wow, Jenny - whatever
Wow, Jenny - whatever happened to that writing block you mentioned?? This is great. It appeals to my dark side (especially prevalent in November).
Coral xx
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Jenny, this has some really
Permalink Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on
Jenny, this has some really fantastic lines in it, well done!
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I can't write sruff like
I can't write sruff like this. Good stuff like this. I thought it was going to be not good when I started reading but I was wrong.
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Yes very sad Jenn- so well
Yes very sad Jenn- so well written and you certainly gave me a message as well- there seems to be violence and drama and that we must avoid if we can by being good people and kind to each other if that should work- we only have hope to hang on to.
;)Pia
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Thoughtful little tale you
Thoughtful little tale you weave here JS
I liked this line
"...the light drifts in through a
window of remembered love..."
ScoZen
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Hi Jenny :) Hope your well
Permalink Submitted by prettyrose on
Hi Jenny :) Hope your well :) and as far has I was concerned you never had 'writers block' all your well is brilliant.
I must admitt I love this pieace too,( however I did not get it till after 3 reads,but thats me not you, as I am just getting over a bad flare up.(health)
I first thought it was a girl remembering her late mother at christmas,but if I understand it correctly, at the end, its not quite that?) but as you say its nice if readers interp it their way, still great.
keep smiling
keep writing :))
trish xxx
Keep Smiling
Keep Writing xxx
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Jenny, I thought this was
Jenny, I thought this was amazing. I loved the story you told here, and boy was I woken up by the sinister turn it took. You lulled me then hit me between the eyes. Nice one, jenskins. There are two or three really good stanzas in your piece, but I particularly liked your parting shot, if you’ll excuse the pun...
now the sunlight flickers
reflects her back again...
broken babies lie around,
then she hits the floor...
so scarred and broken
one shot but no sound
FAB-U-LOUS, as Craig Revel Horwood might say and many congrats on the cherries too!
Trev
TVR
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"blood coursing her
Permalink Submitted by MistakenMagic on
"blood coursing her veins
remembering black leather,
slick...neat and sleek and
sold on that darn crazy beat,"
- I love these lines, Jenny, they role off the tongue and just sound brilliant. Quite a twist at the end there! Much enjoyed and well-deserving of cherries :)
Magic xxx
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Beautiful, Jenny - the
Permalink Submitted by RachelPatricia on
Beautiful, Jenny - the stanza Magic picked out was my favourite too, but the whole poem is amazing. Final stanza really blew me away and that final line hit harder than a bullet - many congrats on the cherries this was a pleasure to read. Oh I do love Jenny-poetry :)
Rachel xx
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Wow I really like this poem,
Wow I really like this poem, great job! I can't wait to read more of your amazing poems and stories! Just to let you know, you're one of my favorite posters. Nice one!
Savannah
Sav
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Some great imagery in this.
Some great imagery in this. Very mysterious and fascinating.
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