The Dog with the Luminous Nose (I.P.)

Bonzo, the dog with the luminous nose,
had a tail that incessantly wagged,
his ears were quite short but his body was long,
made entirely from old, baked-bean cans.

He sometimes got lonely and longed for a mate
but his back legs were made out of spatulas
and he had no illusions – accepted his fate.
There were worse things than being a bachelor.

And so in the garden through rain and through shine,
his head bibbed and bobbed with the wind,
on account of the fact that fixed to his back
was a rusty old bicycle spring.

A blackbird flew down to the garden one day
and perched on the end of his nose, which was
one of the knobs off an old chest-of-drawers
where the man in the house kept his clothes.

Bonzo was pleased as a dog with two tails,
and asked would the bird be his friend?
“You have to be joking! You can’t even bark,”
said the blackbird, “Where will it all end!?”

Bonzo was sad and he felt so depressed
as a teardrop plopped onto the ground;
it wasn’t his fault he was born with no bark
and instead made a clink-clanking sound.

The man of the house was a farmer of sorts,
kept cockerels and hens in a coop
and round about midnight, a fox on the prowl
in the garden just happened to snoop.

A storm it was brewing and wind stirred the trees
and ravaged the rickety gate; the chickens
they quaked at the sight of the fox
whilst he relished the meal they might make!

Bonzo, the dog with the luminous nose,
he could see what the fox was about,
so he clinked and he clanked with all of his might
till the farmer came rushing on out.

The fox saw the farmer – was off like a shot
and out of the garden did run, while the lightning
it flashed and the thunder it crashed...
then, ‘Crack’ went a two-barrelled gun!

Now Bonzo, the dog with the luminous nose
that was fashioned from old, baked-bean cans,
was spotted by 'scouts' and plays drums with a clout
in the Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah rock band!