Hans and the Fat Ugly Frog

Mr. Schmeckenpepper is having his morning coffee. It is dawn and the corner cafe is not yet open. Mr. Schmeckenpepper sits and stares at the tablecloth that is blotted with ink stains and hasty notes from the schnapps induced pen of Hans Christian Anderson

Mr. Schmeckenpepper retrieves his spectacles and examines the tablecloth. Upon closer inspection he discovers his own name mixed up among the random blots and hen scratchings. Not only that, but he discovers his name in the title of a work in progress. Mr. Schmeckenpepper lights a cigar and fumes as he reads the following:

Mr. Schmeckenpepper is a Fat Ugly Frog

Once upon a time, and before he was the proprietor of a famous corner cafe, Mr. Schmeckenpepper was a fat ugly frog. Sad but true. As a matter of fact, he is still a fat ugly frog - it is only his complexion that has changed. I know this for a fact, because it was I who fished the old sour puss out of the swamp.

I clothed and nurtured the slimy creature until he could stand on his own two spindly legs. And, when Mr. Schmeckenpepper was big enough to catch flies with his own tongue, I gave him enough money to open his cafe - where the flies seem to enjoy his cuisine every bit as much as the cockroaches. High praise indeed.

He has been an ungrateful lout ever since.

The incident caused Hans much pain and many lumps on the head.