Find Me A place

By Sooz006

Wed, 17 Oct 2012
  • 2236 reads
11 comments
 

Find me a place

Find me a place where people can love without fear.
Find me a place where the blind show the deaf how to hear.
A place of soft edges that cushions the blows.
A place where only the pleasant thoughts go.

Where a heart will not break if it's handled.
Where a soul will not bleed if it's torn.
Where my spirit can reach out and touch.
where my feelings are loose to be born.

Find me a place where roses grow thorn-less.
Find me a place with no hungry or homeless.
Where an ivory tusk, is a thing of disgust.
Where children are happy and safe.

Find me a place that's for me alone.
Find me a place with no need to atone.
Where I don't have to be,what they want me to be.
Where I can feel no shame for just being me.

Show me a place where I'm open and free.
Show me a place where I can just 'be.’
A place that is mine to keep or to give.
A place where it's safe to breathe and to live.

A place where rejection can't get through the door.
A place that is free for the lost or the poor.
Show me a place that is love.
Is there a place that is love?

Find me a place.

Certificate U
Writing 2020
Love

Comments

Submitted by Rhiannonw on
This is a lovely composition of longings. And highlighting the real longings counter to the frustration of the distortion of definition of 'love' and felt need all around. (Though in an imperfect world, we still find our spikey flaws aswell as those of others' cause problems!) Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Sooz006 on
Thank you Rhiannon, I'm glad you liked it, I'm no poet. Thanks appreciated.

 

Submitted by Highhat on
Yes we all yearn and long for this place in an imperfect world. But we wouldn't be able to compare if everything was perfect. But I get the essence of this poem. I liked it a lot and think you did well on the rhyme. ;)Pia

Submitted by Sooz006 on
Thank you, If I can't have perfect can I have just a little bit nice, please? Ta Pia.

 

Submitted by fatboy74 on
It must be out there somewhere Sooz and if you get a sniff of where it might be give me a shout. I like this Sooz, I'm no expert on the metrical structure of verse, but as you have rhymed mostly - (safe?) the middle section flows better because you are hovering around the 9/10/11 syllables mark. Poems like this just seem to work better for me when they are tighter, particularly with the repetition at the start of the line. Love and love may have been intentional, but I'm not sure it works for me, or the two 'find me a places' at beginning and end; it's in the title and in the body of the poem already. Nice to see you writing poetry Sooz.

 

Submitted by Sooz006 on
Fb ... I haven't a clue what I'm doing ...now or then, I'll have another look at my 9/10/11's but no promises. Thanks for the read, appreciated. Mostly, I leave poetry to the poets.

 

Submitted by Sooz006 on
Thank you Verdana, I'm really not good at it but like to have a tinkle now and again. Thank you.

 

Submitted by MS on
this is a lovely thoughtful poem Sooz, but in my head i can hear a south scottish accent (maybe ewan mcgregor) reading this whilst images of frutiful summer meadows and children playing in golden fields of corn play on TV, then finally a man eating a burger and a big McDonalds logo coming into shot. Not trying to dilute your beautiful poem, just what went on in my head at the time of reading.

 

Submitted by maisie on
yeah all that! Me too! lyrics is it?

maisie angel Guess what?  I'm still alive!

Submitted by Sooz006 on
Hey, if Maccie-D's want my words they can have them with pleasure. I'll take where the poem took you as a compliment, MS. At least it took you somewhere. To be honest I think it's crap and only edited and posted it because I liked the second line. Thanks, lovely.

 

Submitted by Sooz006 on
Hiya Maisie, I don't think I wrote this as a song. There's no bridge and i usually put one in lyrics. But I write it so long ago now that I can't remember. thank you for the comment.