Entry One

I’d had plenty of heartbreak before in my life. Sure, I was only eighteen, but if you ask any eighteen year old girl if her heart had been broken, I’d bet you every pencil in my art case, she’ll say yes. Of course, I never said it truly was heartbreak. Simple things, like finding out your favorite color actually mentally induces sadness, can break your heart. Last time I checked, blue was considered a sad color, but it seems to calm as well. It’s the color that floats you atop the sea in such a way that you care about nothing except how the waves kiss your toes. The simple fact, though, that it is sad breaks your heart anyways. Sometimes, people only see the sadness in things.

I’d met him before, walking past him briefly in a hallway, or sitting a few feet away from him in a classroom. We’d spoken once or twice, never putting much effort into the conversation on either of our parts, and if he remembered what was said, I’d be shocked for I did not. Imagine my surprise when he came into contact with me online. He’s cute, so I accepted. He’s cute, so I sent him a message.

His name was Gerald. Tall and skinny, with strong farmer arms, shortened black hair, stubble on his face, and the most beautiful blue eyes I’d laid my own on, save for my own father’s. I was sure that was the boy in the back row at the end of each school day. A simple question was all it took; that was you in class, right? Of course it was. I’d already checked.

So our conversation began. Catching up was quickly done and over with, and soon we became launched into a series of deep conversations of life as we knew it. The cruelty we had experienced, though neither of us had been beaten or neglected, was shared. Not long after we had begun talking, he gave me his number. I messaged him on my phone immediately. If only I knew what I was getting myself into.