"Sorry"
By jolono
- 7223 reads
I didn’t cry when it was over
Just got on with life,
picked myself up,
and brushed away the memories.
I didn’t ask why or who
No point in that.
When it’s over, it’s over.
Like the last day of the season.
Even when I read the note
Left on the mantelpiece
I didn’t scream in anger
Or rip it up into a million pieces.
You were gone. You said
you needed “time”
Time to sort out your head
The last word was “sorry.”
Six months and you’re back
Like a recurring dream or nightmare.
From god knows where or who
Smiling, arms outstretched.
Wanting a hug and forgiveness.
I close the door. You try your key.
Doesn’t fit anymore.
Locks changed weeks ago,
You call my phone.
First time in over twenty weeks.
I answer. Choose my words.
I say. “Sorry.”
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Comments
yep. sorry says a lot. a deep
yep. sorry says a lot. a deep word. and sometimes as you say the lock doesn't fit the key
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This is good jolono. The way
This is good jolono. The way that you have kept a tight control of the strength of feeling in the poem is excellent. That it seems understated makes it all the more real and immediate to the reader. And also that there is no outward, explicit urge for revenge or malice does not disguise the hurt and pain of the voice. It's a very good title too. The right choice of title is much underestimated in its importance too. Writers that can move between prose and poetry and be successful in both disciplines are rare but you manage it. The other two commenters happen to fall into that category too co-incidentally. You have a depth to your register and I've come to expect the unexpected when I open one of your pieces. I am rarely if ever dissapointed.
A very good job on this one.
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A great example of moving on.
A great example of moving on. The 'sorry' at the end is a satisfying twist and shows strength of character on the part of the narrator.
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Hi Jolono. This was a great
Hi Jolono. This was a great poem. It's simplicity really gets the message across. I'm never a fan of poems that sound like the author has swallowed a thesaurus! I agree with what others have said about it being understated. For me, I feel a lot more empathy for the narrator this way because it represents how a lot of people deal with break ups: they appear to just be getting on with it but they are actually really struggling.
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I liked this, sad, but I'm
I liked this, sad, but I'm always one for "...Wanting a hug and forgiveness..."
Regards.
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The minimalist style of this
The minimalist style of this makes it very powerful. There's a quiet patience throughout that speaks volumes about relationships. This is lovely, Joe.
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Well Joe,
Well Joe,
What's to be done? Here you are writing poetry and not just that but good poetry too. I have to ask, did you write it on a train...? What number comes after seventeen?
Only jesting, mate. You know I'm not one to nag...
Moya
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Hello Jolono, you are a very
Hello Jolono, you are a very good writer. Your phrases and control of the situation is well put together. In the chaos of life, we must carry on. And you do.
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With the tight format, the
With the tight format, the lack of descriptive words, the numbness of it... all that I kept sensing was that still waters run very deep... odd because the poem appears, from the opening line, to desire to express that their was no emotion at all... $
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I'm WAY better than I have
I'm WAY better than I have been in a very long time j, Thank-you. Wishing you a Christmas that is glorious in every way. Stay blessed $
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Sod off. That also starts
Sod off. That also starts with an 'S' !! Really loved this. Hope it's not, you know, for real ..
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