The Christmas Coma

Cherry

By hudsonmoon

Fri, 27 Dec 2013
  • 1780 reads
15 comments
 

Harold was stretched out on the recliner. The para-medics arrived and were led into the living room.

“He’s unresponsive,” said Mildred. 

”Why is he wearing sunglasses?” said the para-medic. “Is he blind?”

“They’re not sunglasses. They’re Google specs.”

“Google specs?”

“It’s a wearable computer. He has the equivalent of a 25 inch hd TV screen an inch from his right eyeball.”

“That can’t be healthy.”

“It’s what Harold wanted.”

“How long has he been in the recliner?“

“Since Christmas morning. He unwrapped the Google specs, put them on, and we haven’t heard from him since.”

”That was three days ago! Has he spoken at all?”

“No,” said Mildred. “But he does lick his lips quite a bit.”

“Dehydration,” said the paramedic. “His tongue is searching for water. It’s even worse then I thought. What we have here is a severe case of Christmas coma. Didn’t his silence concern you after the first day?”

“To tell you the truth, it was nice having a quiet Christmas for a change. Ever since he put on those glasses he's been a changed man. The kids can’t get enough of him now. And the pets no longer cower when they come into the house. It was the first Christmas we were able to sit around as a family and not have to listen to one of his tirades about spoiled children and my love affair with vodka.”

“Do you have a clean sponge?” said the para-medic.

“Yes. In the kitchen. Why?”

“Good. Please get me a sponge and a tall glass of cool water. I think we can save him without a visit to the hospital.”

Mildred spent the rest of the afternoon dipping the sponge in water and placing it in Harold’s drooping mouth while he greedily sopped up the refreshing liquid. 

Every once in a while Mildred would sit back and smile, taking occasional sips of her vodka martini.

 

 

 

Certificate U
Story
Humour

Comments

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

very funny!

 

Submitted by hudsonmoon on

Thank you, insert. This was not autobiographical by the way. My best score was a mini-ipad.

Rich

 

Submitted by Bee on

Love your style of writing and humour. Enjoyed this so much. Yes, very finny! 

Bee

Submitted by hudsonmoon on

What a nice thing to say, Bee. thank you. Glad you found it funny.

Rich

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Excelling yourself again, I see, Richsmiley.  Wonderful, just wonderful.

Tina x

 

Submitted by hudsonmoon on

Thanks, dear Tina. I got the idea after opening presents on Christmas morning, when everyone was sitting around staring into their new screens. My son and I had new ipads. My wife and his girlfriend had new iphones. I felt it my public duty to make a statement. Of sorts. lol.

Rich x

 

Submitted by hudsonmoon on

Many thanks for the sweet cherries.

Rich

 

Submitted by VeraClark on

Really funny, Rich.Can picture the closing line.

 

Submitted by hudsonmoon on

Thank you, Vera. I was very close to being in a coma. But I pulled myself together just in time. I was asked what I wanted for Christmas and I said I wanted a typewriter. I was only half-kidding when I said it. Too many distractions on a computer and I have no discipline. I'm weak. But they went and got me an ipad instead. Can't complain though. My New Year's resolution is to put my Craven book together. I've posted 102 Craven pieces since Aug. 2012. I now have to plow through 72,000 words. And somehow make it all cohesive. I may be in a coma by the Spring.

So, what was your question? Oh, you didn't ask one? forgive me for rambling. I'm at work and we're currently closed for the holidays, but someone needs to be here to make sure no one walks off with the pencils. This is starting to fell like a therapy session, so if there's a charge, let me know. I have a PayPal account and it's in good standing. Which is more than I can say for me. And thanks again, dear Vera. I'm glad you enjoyed the story.

Rich

 

Submitted by Luke Neima on

Love it Rich. Hilarious concept. Kind of reminded me of that David Foster Wallace book — Infinite Jest — where someone creates a movie so good that anyone watching it is pushed into catatonia! Great dialogue here. 

Submitted by hudsonmoon on

Many thanks, Luke. On Christmas morning I was watching my family as they sat on the sofa playing with their new Apple gadgets and suddenly realized that anyone could come in and walk off with the furniture. Even the sofa they were sitting on. So I put my ipad down and stood guard till it was time for Christmas supper.

Hope your Christmas was a good one, Luke. And thanks again for your knd comments.

Rich

 

Submitted by scratch on

Grounded.  Lovin it.

 

Submitted by hudsonmoon on

Many thanks, scratch. I'm afraid I've been in bit of a Christmas coma this past month. But I'm finally feeling myself again. Hope to get some new stuff on the boards soon. 

All the best chum,

Rich

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Can't work out how I missed this one Rich,  but glad I found it eventually.  Better late than never!

Very funny.

Jenny. laugh

 

 

Submitted by Starfish Girl on

I'm still smiling, thank you.

Lindy