TRUST (Last week's IP)

 

IN MEMORY OF BRENDA KIRBY M.B.E.

 

My friend Brenda Kirby M.B.E. died this week, on 28.9.2014.

 

OK, she was not in the first flush of youth, though she had the energy of a whole bus-load of teenagers, but she was not old either, not by todays’ standards. But into those years she packed more actual living than most people would in two lifetimes. Or even three. 

 

We met decades ago, when she was a governor at my children’s primary school. She was standing in for the Chair of Governors at the school’s AGM, and it fell to her to give the welcoming speech.  Already bowled over by her impossibly red hair (which changed regularly to various shades of crimson, carrot and through to purple during the time I knew her) and impressed by her verging-on-the-flamboyant outfit and admirably high shoes, I just knew I would like this person, who was not at all like I had imagined a School Governor, and local Councellor to boot,  to be.

 

Encouraged by this, I too became a school governor, and thus began many years of collaboration, laughter and tears.

 

As I observed her interaction with the pupils, it became obvious how at home she was with youngsters – I then learned that she had been a drama teacher, keen supporter of the local Warehouse Theatre, and specialised in SEN children.  Many years later I was to see this in action with my own grandson who attended the school. As with generations of children before him, he trusted that woman to do her best for him. A trust not easily given by a special needs child.

 

She was a local Councillor in the ward where both our families still live, in one of the poorest and ‘hardest’ areas of the borough; and was extremely popular with everyone in the community; they knew nothing was too trivial for her to deal with and trusted her with their most personal problems; with her smile as wide as the grand canyon which lit up every room she entered; her delight in helping others was plain for all to see. 

 

Term after term she was re-elected; but until she was obliged to retire due to ill-health most did not know that she had a problem of her own – a brain tumour.  She gave it a name and vowed to beat it – which she eventually did and several years later was well enough to be re-elected as ward councillor.

 

Over those years I became Chair of Governors, and found her experience, wisdom and support invaluable – especially when she was elected as Mayor of Croydon and I was privileged to attend several interesting events with her and her long-suffering husband who often commiserated with mine at social occasions.

 

But all was not as well as it might be.  I had the occasional email or call from her on school matters which would begin:  ‘I am sitting on the floor writing this report..’ me : ‘Oh?’ She, laughing : ‘It’s just me being dizzy so I thought I’d work down here so I can’t fall any further’.

 

When I lost a significant percentage of my hearing, she was so sympathetic, as she herself had hearing difficulties due to the tumour.  So if she could get on with it, so could I.

 

Now, apart from being a pair of pushy women, very early on we discovered another mutual interest, nothing to do with education or politics.  We had both adored Cliff (Richard) from his very first record, and together with several like-minded friends, we attended his concerts in London whenever possible.  I never really knew whether it was mere coincidence that she had a son called Clifford.

 

But then, just a few short years ago, the Cancer came back.  The time had come for her to step back from some of her interests, and concentrate on herself.  That cruel chemotherapy, the hair loss, the pain – she bore it all bravely, and her Cheshire Cat smile scarcely faltered. 

 

In 2010 with two other friends, we had booked a Cliff Richard concert at the Royal Albert Hall.  Brenda was coming to the end of a cycle of chemotherapy, and although she definitely did not feel her best, she was determined to make it to the concert.  Another of our party, Jill organised everything for us, and booked a table at the RAH restaurant so we wouldn’t have to rush. 

 

Brenda held my arm as we entered the Hall, and Jill pushed our other friend, Marion, in a wheelchair, carrying her drips.  She had discharged herself from hospital that very day after a cancer operation so as not to miss the concert.  Such is the devotion of us Cliffettes, and such is the strong stuff of which we are made.

 

The meal was fab, the waiters cute, and we had a marvellous time.  The concert was ‘Bold as Brass’, a special and very different concert to celebrate Cliff’s 70th Birthday.  Sadly, Brenda never made hers.

 

By this time the cancer had been pronounced terminal.  But was she dismayed?  No indeed.  Having discovered for herself how difficult it was for cancer patients to get to counselling in the area, she just set about founding a charity herself, ably assisted by her fabulous husband, to provide such services locally.  Thus was born the BKCC.  Round about that time I felt obliged to give up the school Chair, as my father’s health had deteriorated and I needed to be with him much more.

 

However, a few months before her death I was honoured to be asked to fill the role of Chair and Trustee of her Charity.  As sadly my father had by then passed away, I agreed.  I do suspect it may be (and is it vain of me to even think so?) that once she had seen me safely installed in that post, and with the cancer now progressing to the point where she was totally wheelchair-bound (although still with her hair dyed the reddest red and wearing the flashiest shoes she could manage!), she felt able to let go, leaving her Charity in the hands of someone she could trust as much as she had trusted my eminent predecessor.

 

Tomorrow will only be my 3rd meeting of the Trust. It will be so poignant, especially as it will take place in the office of the local Undertakers where she is now lying, the owner being a good friend of hers and a charity Trustee.

 

Then on Wednesday we will be making our sad way to Croydon Minster for her memorial service, which I am sure will be a huge turn-out, she touched so many peoples’ lives especially in her local community.  After that, as is only fitting as a past Mayor and MBE, the reception will be in the Mayor’s Parlour at the Town Hall, surround by the trappings of office that she once wore so proudly and with such distinction.

 

I can only guess at the music her family has chosen, she enjoyed music of all kinds, but as for me and her Cliffette friends, we will raise a glass to her as Cliff sings one of his loveliest songs.  Goodbye for now Brenda, best seats in the house from now on.

 

Miss You Nights.