The City Lives
By Philip Sidney
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The city lives
grows like a child
imperceptibly
unless seen at intervals
creeps over time and
once green fields
produces imitations
mutations which converge with others
become part of a colony a body of many parts
changes its shape with mercantile whims
secretions excreted at the rim
vegetation invades the grey mass
sucks in contamination
exhales fuel
for the slaves who
fetch and carry
repair and build
feed themselves
to their creation.
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Comments
Good one Philip
I think the imagery within this is very convincing at portraying the city as a living organism that changes over time.
My one criticism would be that it could do with some punctuation, as after the first line, to moderate its rhythm. But that's secondary to the fact that overall it works very well.
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Theres a lot going on here
Theres a lot going on here Philip Sidney. All of which I like. Enjoyed.
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Loved this Philip. Was
Loved this Philip. Was thinking about a poem on a very similar topic to this. Not sure I will do it now. I like the form, concentrated in the centre.
Thanks for reading. I am grateful for your time.
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Hi Helen
Hi Helen
Your pretty picture made me think this was going to be lightness and cheer - but it is pretty heavy all the negativities of this urban growth. Beautifully written as always.
Jean
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how we grow and how we go
how we grow and how we go about it, usually follows some pattern, I like this, it mirrors.
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what inspired you to write
what inspired you to write this Philip? - just curious.
Thanks for reading. I am grateful for your time.
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Some interesting thoughts re
Some interesting thoughts re the Mrs Gren. Something like a living organism, but for the biologist, the marked contrast to real life – the dependence on the inhabitants, and possibly the oppression of the inhabitants?. Rhiannon
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This is our facebook and
This is our facebook and twitter pick of the day!
Get a fantastic reading recommendation every day.
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I would recommend that the
I would recommend that the comma in the first line and the full stop at the end should go, as should the hyphen in the ninth line. A change of the enjambment there, in the ninth line, giving 'body of many parts' its own seperate line with a space before and after would do it.
All totally subjective of course.
But with punctuation as spare as this it's a call. Either punctuate it or don't - in its entireity.
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Hello! I liked this. And with
Hello! I liked this. And with all the human/living stuff in it I kept being drawn to the 'tions' - the effect made me think of trains or machines, something unstoppaple,or at least if we choose to let them.
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i also thought this was
i also thought this was splendid in its dark sparseness. excellent word choice scattered thoughtout, projecting warped images and sustaining the feel: creeps, colony, secretions, sucks. great stuff :-)
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Hi Philip. I'm catching up. I
Hi Philip. I'm catching up. I like this (keep up, Corporal Jones). Planners like to have their set-pieces, but the oldest cities show exactly this, as do those that follow the laissez-faire organic approach to economic life. London being a prime example outside its great set-piece statements of grandeur or civic power. Vanity either way. Hey, I'm rambling. I liked the flow and imagery, especially of the slaves. To punctuate or not? Works well without. Cleaner.
Parson Thru
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