The City Lives

Gold cherry

By Philip Sidney

Sun, 04 Jan 2015
  • 9753 reads
25 comments
 

The city lives

grows like a child

imperceptibly

unless seen at intervals

creeps over time and

once green fields

produces  imitations

mutations which converge with others

become part of a colony  a body of many parts

changes its shape with mercantile whims

secretions excreted at the rim

vegetation invades the grey mass

sucks in contamination

exhales fuel

for the slaves who

fetch and carry

repair and build

feed themselves

to their creation.

Certificate U
Poem

Comments

Submitted by Mark Say on

I think the imagery within this is very convincing at portraying the city as a living organism that changes over time.

My one criticism would be that it could do with some punctuation, as after the first line, to moderate its rhythm. But that's secondary to the fact that overall it works very well.

 

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Thank you Mark!  I've been playing around with the punctuation, and opted for this in the end for a fluid effect - but your probably right, the lack of it makes it more difficult to read.

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Thanks for the cherries!

Submitted by jolono on

Theres a lot going on here Philip Sidney. All of which I like. Enjoyed.

 

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Thank you Jolono!

Submitted by Geoff Smith on

Loved this Philip. Was thinking about a poem on a very similar topic to this. Not sure I will do it now. I like the form, concentrated in the centre.

Thanks for reading. I am grateful for your time.

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Thanks Geoff, glad you like the shape.

Submitted by jeand on

Hi Helen

Your pretty picture made me think this was going to be lightness and cheer - but it is pretty heavy all the negativities of this urban growth. Beautifully written as always.

Jean

Jean Day

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Thank you Jean.  I really should write something happy.

Submitted by celticman on

how we grow and how we go about it, usually follows some pattern, I like this, it mirrors.  

 

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Thanks celticman.

Submitted by Geoff Smith on

what inspired you to write this Philip?  - just curious.

Thanks for reading. I am grateful for your time.

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

I'm interested in place and human relationships with the environment.  I've written a few poems about the city, sometimes working with images of the city from different perspectives, the bones of the city, it's often seemed to me to be like a living organism.  I was thinking of the old mnemonic, mrs gren, for the charactersitics of life, and used them in the poem.  Thanks for being interested.

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Some interesting thoughts re the Mrs Gren. Something like a living organism, but for the biologist, the marked contrast to real life – the dependence on the inhabitants, and possibly the oppression of the inhabitants?. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Thanks for your thoughtful reading Rhiannon.

Submitted by scratch on

This is our facebook and twitter pick of the day!

Get a fantastic reading recommendation every day.

 

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Thank you for the golden cherries! smiley

Submitted by scratch on

I would recommend that the comma in the first line and the full stop at the end should go, as should the hyphen in the ninth line.  A change of the enjambment there, in the ninth line, giving 'body of many parts' its own seperate line with a space before and after would do it.

All totally subjective of course.

But with punctuation as spare as this it's a call.  Either punctuate it or don't - in its entireity.

 

 

 

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Thanks Scratch, I'll give it a go.

Submitted by catherine poarch on

Hello! I liked this. And with all the human/living stuff in it I kept being drawn to the 'tions' - the effect made me think of trains or machines, something unstoppaple,or at least if we choose to let them. smiley 

 

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Thanks Catherine, glad you noticed the march of the machine.

Submitted by Stephen Thom on

i also thought this was splendid in its dark sparseness. excellent word choice scattered thoughtout, projecting warped images and sustaining the feel: creeps, colony, secretions, sucks. great stuff :-)

 

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Thanks Stephen, glad it works!

Submitted by Parson Thru on

Hi Philip. I'm catching up. I like this (keep up, Corporal Jones). Planners like to have their set-pieces, but the oldest cities show exactly this, as do those that follow the laissez-faire organic approach to economic life. London being a prime example outside its great set-piece statements of grandeur or civic power. Vanity either way. Hey, I'm rambling. I liked the flow and imagery, especially of the slaves. To punctuate or not? Works well without. Cleaner.

Parson Thru

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Thanks Parson!  Punctuation is always a tricky one I find with poetry, glad I made a good choice.  Thanks for all that reading!