Pain Behaving Badly

Cherry

By Bee

Tue, 04 Aug 2015
  • 3698 reads
17 comments
 

I hear; see me from another room

Me,   in a mirror somewhere over there,

moans and cries out 

Ouch! and Ohs...   Yelps and twists



gut shouts - dismissing help with brittle 

snap of hand. Behaving bad -



I can't!   My grating voice -

a bovine drone. Can't do this any more -

Don't tell me that I can -   feels

like time.  Each rasping breath, each



stab and ache take stillness 

from limbs, my jiddering muscles

shudder on the bed. Bile builds up inside

my throat as pain insists its acrid burn 



on anything it penetrates. Eyes wide



I try to quiet, but I can't -

Don't tell me that I can, tonight.

There's too much pain   inside



that other room - behaving badly.

Certificate 15
Poem
Unclassified
Autobiography

Comments

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Oh, Bee, I hope it's somewhat better by now. You have such ability to describe such feelings, and though it is hard to be shown, it does ring true for others enduring such times. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Bee on

Hi Rhiannon. 

I am feeling a lot better, thank you.

If it's going to be a true account of this journey, it's got to be shown warts n all, I guess. The sympathy in your comments made me cry - probably feeling a bit sorry for myself today, but it's all part and parcel of the battle. Thank you so much for reading it, and your kindness. I hope others will relate to it if they need to. But most of all, I hope they never need to. 

xx

Bee

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

the rhythm - all jolting as it is - mirrors the words so precisely. I'm so glad to hear it's lessening now. I think the warts and all is the reason why this series is so singularly authentic - thank you for sharing it all with us - and your photo is spot on!

 

Submitted by Bee on

Thanks insert. 

Bee

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

No hiding the truth, it needs looking on.  I do hope you have a better night.

Submitted by Bee on

Thanks Philip. It was better.

Bee

Submitted by Pat G on

So personal, but so much for everyone who reads this. The shape and structure writhe with the pain. 

Submitted by Bee on

Thanks Pat. I wrote the words / feelings down as it was happening and then fiddled around with it later in the day.

Bee

Submitted by jeand on

Hi Bee

I feel so sorry for you having to go through all that. And I know how much you feared and dreaded it, and yet you  have to believe that its doing you good. The drugs are fighting in combat with your cancer cells, and they are fighting hard and fast. It would be nice if you could somehow float above it all, and let them get on with it without involving you.

Jean

Jean Day

Submitted by Bee on

Lots of positive thoughts there Jean. Helpful to be reminded - I'll really try.

Thank you.

Bee

Submitted by scratch on

Bee, I don't know how you keep coming up with this standard especially in light of the circumstances but maybe the circumstances are all part of it.  Every bit of me wants you to get better.

Peter, xx.

 

 

Submitted by Bee on

Thanks so much for your kind words, Peter.

xx

Bee

Submitted by Shannan on

Truly helpless to respond... so sending love, hugs & blessings by thought and prayer xx

 

Submitted by Bee on

Thank you so much Shannon.

Bee

Submitted by Denzella on

Bee, 

The battle is not yet won and so you must endure though I wish with all my heart you didn't have to.   You must have realized by now that no-one else can know exactly how you feel, but this poem gives a window into what it is like to go through what you are going through.  I hope you don't feel too isolated because of your pain. 

My thoughts are with you,

Moya x

 

Submitted by Bee on

Thanks so much, Moya. I was having a bad time, but a lot better now. There's going to be ups and downs, and after thinking about it, I decided to (without making more, or less of it) record the lot. That way it's a true story, 

My thoughts with you, too

x

Bee

Submitted by celticman on

I'd guess pain has its own rules and rooms, but they keep changing Ouch. Makes your life miserable.