NeverSquash a Raspberry

Never squash a raspberry.

Never walk on the jelly fish that

litter the pavements like puddles.

Clean your teeth. It’s the law.

Don’t be cool. Nobody’s cool.

Remember the Tolpuddle Martyrs
and the Levellers and Harold Godwinson,

who was robbed.

Fight the Normans, no matter what their disguise.

Keep your heart big and your brain quirky.

Still call fireworks ‘funnyfawkes’

barbeques ‘sparklefarts’,

Father Christmas

‘Bunny Pissmas’

and The Swan at Tockington

The Pickynose Pub.

God is God,

no matter what name you call Him.

Don’t put Aslan in a cage. He’s a wild lion.

Love the England rugby team till your heart breaks.

It’s the English game. But,

respect your opponents.

Lose like Australia. (Generously).

Win like Ireland. (Without malice).

Play like Fiji. (Joyously).

Turn up like France. (Independantly.)

Never marry a man who carries an umbrella.

Never leave the cinema before the credits have rolled.

Learn to tell the sheep from the boys

and the men from the wolves.

Remember where you left your socks

and if you lose them, sing the Sock Song

which is magic and makes things happen.

Know when to endure and when to move on.

When you go out for the day, have an adventure

as we always do. Play Serendipity.

Look for one thing and find another.

But most of all,

keep your own integrity.

Be yourself.

Make your own list.

Remember that, even beyond the England
Rugby Team, let alone Infinity,

you are loved.