Convoluted Grammar

Gold cherry

By Rhiannonw

Mon, 29 Feb 2016
  • 3862 reads
16 comments
 

Students, this is how one ought
to write when making each report –
make constant use throughout the project,
of the ‘passive voice’ so that an object
becomes the passive actions’ subject:
the flask was filled, the bunsen lit,
the cup (with mat protecting it)
was heated, ‘til the eye beside,
the salt’s dissolving had espied –
though viewing it subjectively,
explain the steps objectively,
impersonally, and ponderously,
but take care that the meaning is not confused
by the circumlocution of the words that are used.

[A humorous play on the IP’s implication of avoiding pronouns, and memories of secondary school science .]

 

Certificate U
Poem
Miscellaneous
Humour
Inspiration Point (work that responds to our weekly writing cue)

Comments

Submitted by tcook on

I like this very much. It's clever. At first I thought there were problems with the metre but I read it out loud and it works beautifully. Good stuff!

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thanks, Tony, and for the cherries. The discussion about the meaning of the IP brought back memories of early secondary school writing that 'The eye was place next to the miniscus' and thinking it very funny!

The last two lines do have a change of metre, and a bit irregular, but I thought the flow would cope with it.
Rhiannon

 

Submitted by tcook on

This is our Pick of the Day.

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Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Oh, thanks, that's a bit of pleasure! Rhiannon

 

Submitted by luigi_pagano on

Whoo-oo Rhiannon, kudos. Many congratulations on this fine poem being picked as a Pick of the Day.
You hit the right spot whereas I'm struggling to make sense of the I.P.
I have deleted my first effort and I think I may have to bin the current one as it hasn't raised any waves.

Once again, well done.
Luigi x

 

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thanks, Luigi, this bubbled up (though needing polishing!) from those memories I mentioned. My grammar knowledge isn't great, and I had to check out what this kind of writing is called, but I wondered if that was what Insert was thinking of when everything is written in this 'passive' way that can come out humourously twisted!

Your first effort had a lot of unseen hard work to omit all those letters, and the second was a bit of fun as you said, and that is always to the good. I think we both like to share a bit of humour around, and as for cherries, sometimes you get them, sometimes I get them, not always when expected, but we do probably spur each other on a bit!! regards, Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

Well done Rhiannon - perfect pick. (I'm so sorry you two for the ip)

as a humourous aside my youngest son always made full use of the passive tense in the same way that politicians who want to dodge responsibility do.. eg "a dent was made in the wall during the party while you were away"

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

smiley and thank you, Insert. Well, you got us thinking! and I hadn't thought of the passive tense and its fun for a long time! Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Well done Rhiannon!  Very clever, I think this IP might be a bit too brain twisting for my poor head, but you've done a great job!

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thanks, I'm glad its given fun, as it did seeing it come together! Rhiannon

 

Submitted by jeand on

Hi Rhiannon

I enjoyed this because it was very clever, but also because I really liked grammar lessons at school.

Jean

Jean Day

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

I think I enjoyed grammar when suddenly dumped into clause analysis on moving school, but it was very patchy, and my daughter found she had done so little grammar in her days at school, despite doing much English and French, that when, in helping in an international school in the Alps after uni and being given the opportunity to learn German, I think she had to ask a Swedish girl to help her over English Grammar, so she could understand the German grammar! Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Bee on

Clever - enjoyed. 

Bee

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thanks for telling me! Rhiannon

 

Submitted by blackjack-davey on

this is gramatically all over the place!

as we know the passive voice is the enemy to creative writing

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Is that a joke or criticism or a twist on the title? I suppose passive is used largely in reports, but even then can become cumbersome and funny. Rhiannon