Albatross

Gold cherry

By airyfairy

Tue, 06 Dec 2016
  • 6229 reads
20 comments
 

Albatross

I planned a life for you. I planned your shape

inside and out. I planned the treasured sounds

that you would hear, I planned the friends who’d take

roles in your play.  I planned I would surround

the whole with grace; a quiet, solid charm

to make the mutual heart smile.  By the end

I did not know if I kept you from harm

or you me; or which sundered heart would spend

its tears mourning the cherished, stupid plan.

Mine, of course.  Time to go.  Time to give back

the promise, the future, while I still can

remember with love.  While presence, not lack,

of joy defines the tale. I hope you knew

that all I ever planned was love for you.

Certificate U
Poem
Poems
Autobiography

Comments

Submitted by Ray Schaufeld on

I like the idea of writing a sonnet to your house. The final couplet clinches the mood effectively.

Submitted by airyfairy on

Thank you Elsie.  Not that I'm obsessed with my house or anything...

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

I agree with Elsie - such a lovely idea! And many baby boomers will be able to relate to this

 

Submitted by airyfairy on

Thanks, insert!

Submitted by Tom Brown on

Where does the title come in? It seems completely out of place.

 

Submitted by airyfairy on

It's a pinch from the Ancient Mariner, the albatross being the thing that hangs round your neck and eventually drives you a bit bonkers.  A bit obscure, I know!

Submitted by Tom Brown on

I do not wish to critisize your work honestly, but where now comes the ring from? There is nothing the like in the Rime of the Ancient Mariner. Your description sounds more like Frodo's ring in the Lord of the Rings. However your poem has nothing to do with a ring, neither still with an albatross. Could be Elvis Presley though? And then the house? Well you certainly attracted a lot of comments.

Agreed, oddly obscure.

Keep well! Tom

 

 

Submitted by Nolan on

You could have got out of your trap easily: My house is by the sea and the name of my house is Albatross. By the way it is not fair to go back and change previous comments.

Some people give their houses names. & Nolan

 

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

What a clever use of the form, seems effortless.  Very well done.

Submitted by airyfairy on

Thank you!  Appearances of effortlessness are deceptive, she said examining her bitten nails, torn out hair, chewed pens and foul language. 

Submitted by celticman on

a sonnet to your house, sounds to me perfectly fine.

 

Submitted by airyfairy on

Thank you, Celtic.  I have neither a dark lady nor a dark gentleman in my life, so the house it is.

Submitted by jolono on

Amazing how we can find inspiration from just about anything! Liked this AF.

 

Submitted by airyfairy on

Thank you, Jolono.  It is strange what gets the writing juices going!

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

An original idea beautifully executed - this is our Facebook and Twitter Pick of the Day!

Please share/retweet if you like it

Picture Credit:http://tinyurl.com/hs9uyku

 

Submitted by airyfairy on

Thank you for the pick!  Very chuffed.

Submitted by VeraClark on

Look how you can crack out metered poems with originality. Not as easy as it looks. Thrilled you are dabbling and doing splendidly with poetry.

 

Submitted by airyfairy on

Thank you!  I intend to keep on with the dabbling...just hope I don't end up with my a**e in the air and a faceful of water.  smiley

Submitted by Kat027 on

A sonnet to a house! What a great idea! The English sonnet is perhaps my favorite form. I enjoyed this one, reading it over three times to savor its cadence and unique flavor. That ending couplet is a dead ringer! Nice work!

 

Submitted by airyfairy on

Thank you so much for reading and commenting!  The sonnet form is one of my favourites as well.  I've come very late to attempting poetry, and I find having a structure to work to helps me focus and get something down.  Really appreciate you taking the time with this.