Autonomy Pt 1

Even before he opened his eyes, he felt that something was wrong.  He felt numb.  Yet his skin tingled.  He was hot and thirsty.  His chest and throat ached.  His mouth felt like he’d just woken up from the worst party ever and his head hurt.  

He was aware of strange sounds.  His eyelids were gummed and stuck together and as he tried to open them he felt his eyes watering uncontrollably.  He became aware of a bright light.  Something moved in front of him.  Something else maybe.  He heard a voice.  A woman’s voice.  He felt as though he knew the voice, but he had no idea where he was.  Another voice spoke.  Also familiar.

“Close your eyes a moment.  I’m going to wipe them for you.  Good morning John.”

She knew his name.  He closed his eyes and felt them being gently wiped with something soft and wet.  It was about body temperature.

“Ok, John.  Try and open them again.  It’s quite a bright light.”

He let his eye-lids flicker open.  They watered again.  He could hear the soft sound of machines.

“Good morning, John.  Hello.  Do you know where you are?”

He tried to speak, but his throat and mouth were dry and sore.  He licked his lips.

“Would you like some water?  I’m just going to lift your head a little.”

He felt a hand slide behind his head and raise it.

“This is water.  Can you help me hold it?”

He felt his hand being raised and guided until he could feel a plastic cup.  He tried to close his fingers around it, but his hand was shaking.  By now he could make out the two women.  They were  maybe in their thirties, both wearing something blue and shapeless.  He moved his head and tried to look around.

“Keep your head still, John.  Try to drink some water.”

The coolness of the water met his lips.  He slurped noisily, and one of the women – he couldn’t tell which – tipped more into his mouth.  He swallowed and felt it run down his chin and neck.  He decided the women were nurses.

“Well done.  I’ll just put some more in for you.  You’re probably feeling dehydrated.”

It was the nurse on his right speaking.

“I’m going to bring the bed up a little.”

The one on the left.

He felt himself leaning forward.  A sharp pain hit him.”

“Aaaaah!”

The movement stopped.

“I’m sorry, John.  Was that sore?  Where did it hurt?”

He formed the words with his mouth, but they emerged just as a whisper.

“My back.  And hip.  Ah!  Shoulder.  Everywhere.”

The nurse on the right had the cup at his mouth again.  She guided his hand.  It was still shaking.

“Try and drink a little more.  I’m Shelley, and this is Ana.”

“Hello John.”  Ana said.  “Do you know where you are?”

He swallowed the water.  This time all of it.

“Hospital.”

“Yes.  You’re in Queen Mary Hospital.  You’ve been in an accident.  Do you remember?”

“A little.  Yes.  A car.  It hit me.  I was on a crossing.”

He felt the pain again.  Hip and side.  His head was beginning to throb.  He winced.

The bed moved back again.  It felt about halfway from where he’d been originally.  The pain in his hip subsided a little.

“We can give you something for the pain.  Would you like something?”

He nodded.

The two nurses spoke at the foot of the bed.  He caught something about 20 mils, four hourly.  

One of them came back.  He couldn’t remember which. 

“We’re going to ask the doctor to up your dose. He asked us to tell him when you woke up.  Try to relax and we’ll be back soon.”

They went away.  He noticed he had a catheter in.  His cock felt sore.

There were other beds in the ward.  It was small.  He heard an alarm somewhere.  It wasn’t his.  A nurse walked past briskly and disappeared.  He rested back and closed his eyes again.  The bastards.  The fucking bastards.  But he was alive.  That was something.