South-African Pastimes

Why have a picnic when you can put the table cloth under the table sit on the floor and throw sand over the food?

On a sunny day by the seaside people are barely naked like in paradise. Lily whites burnt strawberry red pay with tender pain but most of us don't have that problem. Sand grinds a bit between the teeth. Salt water warm beer loud music what a commotion. There are kids full of beans running all over the beach shouting kicking sand bumping over cooldrinks and destroying other kids' sandcastles.

Glad when it's over.

What is the day without a near drowning experience, seeing the glory of the second coming by a grand symphony with a vision vivid and graphic in detail? This as I've been told.

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Among the many tourist highlights of South-Africa is unspoilt nature as of the Kruger Park where there is game in large numbers and many kinds, like rhinos elephants lions crocodiles jackals vultures name it zebras and thousands of impalas. They are still there as in ages past, countless centuries and many millenia. While tourists and visitors can live in luxury.

Of course too is the beautiful table mountain and majestic drakensberg and more, many museums and many historic monuments such as the voortrekker monument, museums at goldmines and newer ones of the struggle. There is also the world famous cradle of man. The beauty of the highveld the bushveld the mountain streams many waterfalls the coast and deserts and oceans. Experience the deepest wilderness the far wilds of dark Africa.

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A very popular sports activity is TV couch potato rugby match participation. As an uninvited and unwelcome critic shouting instructions which inevitably results finally in either "we" won as opposed to "they" lost, where we and they the same, both are "us". Sadly a disagreement with the best friend can sometimes start a serious argument and making enemies even starting a family feud just over a try that's not awarded. This is very serious a man's pride is at stake his team his country's too.

Jumping up shouting fists waving animated with loud colourful language and swearing in lively commentary. Shouting at people like that who can't hear you has to be a form of insanity. The ref is blind, or they play with 16 men, our man is an idiot the opponent was lucky and so on. Interesting research has shown 95% of men rather watch a rugby match than have sex so at least it contributes to population control. The women's part is running to and fro with beers and snacks.

Couch wrestling in turn often results in marraige. Babies on the back seats of cars cause accidents, accidents on the back seats of cars cause babies.

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Please take note! The Two Laws of Afrikaners:

I. There always is too much food
II.There always is too little booze

Irrespective of planning and attempted prior compensation these two sacred laws invariably work out. Where there is alcohol it will be drank and all of it will be drunk. We are incredibly resourceful always finding some reason to drink.

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South-Africans love soccer rugby and sunny skies, fishing and birdwatching in nature and camping. We are famous for game farms and hunting. Hunting involves shooting and killing innocent defenceless animals from a safe distance execution style. To hunt a lion he must be in a cage you put the barrel to his head and pull the trigger. It is of course prohibitively expensive to hunt lions and reserved only for obscenely rich foreigners but you can think the trophy must be well worth it.

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The holy institution of the braaivleis is a ceremony of indulgence and excess.

As a tradition "braaivleis" (bry-flace) is grilling meat outdoors by roasting and sizzling on an open fire over glowing hot coals. For the most part it is brotherhood and cameradery around a fire and burnt offerings to bachus. With abundant liquid refreshments all the men gather around the fire grilling meat over the coals and listening to all the knowledge and wisdom. Your main activity at a typical braaivleis consists of staring into the fire and warmth in a semi-hypnotic state.

A man without a beer in his hand is not a man and can't be trusted and is not welcome.

Often there is a heated argument even right at the start of the braaivleis on rituals such as how exactly to make a fire and later on how the meat should be grilled etc for instance just on glowing charcoal or on flames? It can become physical a fight or the barney which is like a bar room brawl punching kicking swearing and falling around with a beer in your hand without spilling and bragging afterwards.

This braaivleis is an excuse for getting really really drunk together with other loudmouth know-all men around a fire boasting and telling other lies. They participate in disgusting behaviour and carry on in a generally uncivilized manner. Courting usually is mostly in the same spirit and is rather crude and direct.

Of the many customs for instance beer is spilt over the meat supposedly as marinade or sometimes douse flames. There are always serious disagreements on how cooked the meat should be and such and each has his own theories. These kinds of customs are the cause of many fights, ruined friendships and family breakups. Grave questions are such as should the meat be well-done half-burnt or rare? Or almost raw? Flames then or just glowing red hot coals? Salt before or after?

The women all gossip in the kitchen goodness knows what they talk about but they giggle and laugh a lot and they bust the guys secretely smuggling in bottles of brandy.

Every social event involves at least one braaivleis. There is also your "one man" braaivleis without meat just a bittered man sitting around a fire alone with his beers with "dronk verdriet", that is drowning your sorrows.

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We have a delicacy called "biltong" (bill-tongue) which is a very tasty salted (raw) specially dried meat it was part of the boer rations in the boer wars together with "beskuit" a rusk a kind of hard dried bread.

I've been in a few places and with different company and found poor people's food is always better.

Some traditional ordinary meals pap en vleis (pup & flace) samoosas (sumoosus) kerrie & rys (curry and rice) are excellent as well as for example cheap chicken livers made in a frying pan and shebo, which is a kind of sour-hot vegetable mix. Very tasty maltabella porridge is excellent for breakfast, fried egg on toast with bacon and orange juice is a meal fit for a king.

Our young nation indeed is very diverse and varied and certainly this is a blessing.