The Elf Who Fell off the Shelf

Ezekiel wasn’t like other elves. He had been placed on a shelf by a human, charged with ‘watching over’ the children, with a view to discerning the ‘good’ to ‘bad’ ratio throughout the month of December, up to but not including the 25th. He was then to report back his findings to the Big Man, make toys for the next eleven months, then the whole cycle would begin again.

Like many folk in employment, he worked to pay the bills, but that’s not to say that he had to like it. He was, in fact, fundamentally opposed to the whole ‘Elf on the Shelf’ concept, as he felt that it undermined the notion of year round morality, promoting instead the idea that if you were ‘good’ in the weeks leading up to Christmas, it didn’t matter what you did the rest of the year. It was like the movie, The Purge, where criminal consequences were suspended for twelve hours, so people could get out their naughty urges, then be model citizens for the other 364 and a half days - but in reverse. Sort of. Or a Catholic confessional.

Ezekiel had attempted to pass his concerns up the chain, hoping perhaps to earn the white-furred ear of the Big Man himself, but despite assurances of transparency and accountability from the management, the bureaucracy involved in doing so was mind boggling. So after a couple of attempts, he gave in.

While Ezekiel was thinking about such things, he fell off the shelf. Fortunately he landed on the dog bed. Unfortunately he was then relegated to the role of ‘dog chew’ for the remainder of his days. But at least he was no longer ‘on the shelf.’

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