steam and track

By Nolan

Sun, 30 Jun 2019
  • 932 reads
4 comments
 

the surf foam's sliding white
to and fro now rise then fall
golden dunes shifting sands
misty sprays in rainbow sky

wind hush rush rush past forever
age-old rhyme in rhythm's time
locomotive -a- locomotive
sea and track and sea and track

~

song of steel rhythm of iron rhyme
steel cries shrill scream the steam
ticka-takka ticka-takka ticka-takka
steam and track steam and track

shrill the steam steel the scream
ratta-tatat ratta-tatat the dream
tickety-tack clickety-clack
it's the whistle it's the track

Certificate U
Poem
astral weeks
Love

Comments

Submitted by Nolan on

To the Browns of Gonubie, I hope to see you soon &&

 

Submitted by onemorething on

I really like this. I like the repetitions, onomatopoeia and the 'song of steel and rhythm of iron'. The only thing that I was a little confused about was the first stanza and its imagery - I realise that it is a track by the sea, but it seems to disconnect to the rest a little. However, that could just be me. I am easily confused! Very much enjoyed. 

 

Submitted by Nolan on

To the sea and to freedom and love. Unstoppable the force driving the train, the power of a locomotive fearless strong joyful the only one thought to be by the sea,.with her, jubilant. Miranda.

&&

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

I had never thought of waves being like pistons! I guess the sea is one huge machine, powered by the moon, and the spray is like steam?

the surf foam's sliding white
to and fro now rise then fall

wind hush rush rush past forever

shrill the steam steel the scream

you have created a feeling of urgency, tying together the movement of waves and the train, a joyful poem