Pepsoid Maximum and the Hyperspace Machine (a story in haiku) - pt 1: The Aliens

Part One: The Aliens

Pepsoid's computer
Downloaded many emails -
Most were X-rated.

'What is this?' he said;
' "A larger penis can be
Yours if you click here?'

He deleted them,
But he saved one just in case
(Well you never know.)

'Pepsoid!' called his mum;
'Have you finished the shopping?'
'Yes mum!' he replied.

'Then come get your tea!'
He switched off the computer
And ambled downstairs.

She was washing up -
Hands in frantically scrubbing
Yellow rubber gloves.

Head towards window,
While baked beans warmed in a pan
And toast was toasting.

'This came in the post' -
Indicating a letter
On the kitchen side.

'It's about your dad,'
Said his mum, whilst clanking pans.
'He's been abducted.'

The washing up stopped -
Rubber gloves off, tossed aside.
'What did you just say?'

'It's in the letter,'
She said whilst checking the toast.
'Did you order milk?'

'Six pints, semi-skimmed.'
He very slowly sat down
And read the letter...

Greetings Earthling,
Apologies for the intrusion on your pathetic little human life. I must however inform you that we have taken your husband (the specimen known as Maximus Maximum) to our big, scary spaceship with really bright white lights, for the purpose of conducting macabre experiments, intrusive probing and suchlike. We'll probably never return him, but if, in a fleeting moment of uncharacteristic mercy, we decide that we might as well, don't expect him to ever be the same again. It is highly likely, under such circumstances, that he will be plagued forever with unexplainable nightmares and terrifying phobias, and if he ever tells anyone about these things they will either consider him to be an insatiable attention seeker or dangerously insane. Either way, you'd probably be embarrassed to know him and wish he had remained here with us.
Whatever -
Don't try and conduct some sort of daring rescue or anything - we're squillions of lightyears away by now.
Just thought you ought to know.
Kind regards,
The Aliens.

'Bugger,' said Pepsoid,
As he munched on beans on toast.
'Bugger and bollocks.'

[ end of part one ]