Clutter Madness

By Amazon

Mon, 16 Feb 2009
  • 678 reads
2 comments
 

Collections in every idle corner,
Lurking on all the shelves,
Underneath the bed, a family of real green elves,
Trunk, stuffed with endless bric a brac, enough for a few car boot sales,
Tomorrow, it will be rattled,
Every day the mountain of homeless souls awaits its fate,teeth chattering prayers,
Rammed everywhere but out.

Certificate U
Poem
Journal

Comments

Submitted by bosch on
Give a specific, examples of 'Collections in every idle corner', specifics for what's 'lurking on all the shelves', examples of 'bric-a-brac', or at least detail a couple of the above generalized desciptions. Perhaps break your 4th line after 'bric-a-brac, 'enough for a few car boot sales' having a line unto itself. Similarly, your 6th line probably would be better broken after 'homeless', after all your current 4th and 6th lines have rhythms that would be long for a prose cadence. You've got a good instinct toward an imagistic kind of poetry.

Submitted by Amazon on
Thanks bosch,I was leaving the collections up to the reader's imagination but I do get your point, also about my sentence breaks. Thanks for your compliment saying that I have a good instinct toward an imagistic kind of poetry.