4. Panic

Gold cherry

By chant

Mon, 08 Dec 2014
  • 2806 reads
14 comments
 

Sunup - not your natural time;
top deck RnB pushers blight
the bus to King’s Cross. Liz
from Accounts, noting your pallor,
rattles vitamin pills. Slurping
a Café Nero, bending over you,
her crucifix & vampire breath.
You’re smoke. A flock of bats
beating for the nearest exit.
Tell them a dental appointment,
a panic attack. According to
the security footage you never
entered the block. Or left it.

@ianjmclachlan

Certificate U
Poem
A London Vampire

Comments

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

A vampire story in miniature. I like the ordinariness of it.  Vampires could function in the dreariness of city working life, I rarely glimpse the sun in winter.  

Submitted by chant on

thanks Philip - yes i've tried to leave it open whether the vampire isn't actually city working life.

 

Submitted by Bee on

Neat.

Bee

Submitted by chant on

thanks Bee. :-)

 

Submitted by scratch on

As so often with your poetry chant brevity does not belie depth.  Really good, as I'd expect.  Well done.

 

Submitted by chant on

thanks very much scratch, when i started posting poems they were often pretty slack, but Swep Lovitt (bosch on abctales) has been very generous to me (and many others i think) with his time and criticism, and has greatly helped me improve at compressing and refining.

 

Submitted by scratch on

That's great to know chant.  People reaching out and taking the time to help is what makes things work.  This is an excellent example of poetry possessing depth and showing it without recourse to a word-blizzard.

 

Submitted by chant on

smiley

 

Submitted by scratch on

This is our facebook and twitter pick of the day!

Get a fantastic reading recommendation every day.

 

Submitted by chant on

thanks scratch. chant

 

Submitted by celticman on

I like this. I didn't spot the vampire but I did spot the dentist, oh dear something about priorties. 

 

Submitted by chant on

thanks celtic, though the story is purportedly about a vampire, i'm trying to keep it vague what the vampire actually is - it could be working life, or the city, or, as a later poem shows, those who run the city. :-)

 

Submitted by bosch on

4th line perhaps "remarking your pallor" instead of "noting", more interactive, personal. good poem.

Submitted by chant on

thanks Swep, good idea.