A Room with Shaun
By ItsSteveDave
Mon, 09 Jan 2012
- 3197 reads
14 comments
In order to entertain, you must love the night -
Because by day, humanity is overcome;
Pressure, panic, doubt, depression, hatred, rage,
And swallowing the pill of hierarchy.
As dreary souls enter your domain,
And the street lamps wake and extend their loving light
To reconstituted eyes,
They are disciples, yet to be claimed as such.
Your love meets them at the door –
And they want to be loved so badly;
A change in the mind of these innocents
Will awaken them to revolution.
But what is to be said of revolution so late in
the day?
One thing is for sure;
By tomorrow, it will have gone away.
- Log in to post comments
Comments
And I can see why you like
And I can see why you like it too. It is the feel of the piece that works - the atmosphere.
- Log in to post comments
The only thing I don't like
The only thing I don't like about this Steve are those big line gaps - apart from that I agree with these other chaps.
- Log in to post comments
I wouldn't bother mate -
I wouldn't bother mate - it's a chunk of your life you won't get back - i'll give you the short version: man makes wish he can turn stuff to gold, wish comes true, shit happens.
- Log in to post comments
I can't add much to the
Permalink Submitted by alex_tomlin on
I can't add much to the above except that it's surprising how much difference it makes when you take the line spaces out. Much easier to read.
- Log in to post comments
Interesting point steve and
Interesting point steve and one I don't have an answer to.
I really like the new set-up - there will be a few on here who disagree, but I always feel it loses a bit of continuity when you have to jump a line to a next line.
- Log in to post comments
Yes, I liked this poem too
Yes, I liked this poem too but my fears come at dread of night. My husband always comforts me with it will all look better in the morning and, for me, he's right...things do look different in the morning! Or, is it that I look at them differently?
Not much good at giving comments either. Sorry!
Moya
- Log in to post comments
I think that was a really
I think that was a really good critique from Salman. I would be delighted with something like that. Unfortunately I have nothing constructive to say. I enjoyed the poem, found it deep, wordy rich all in a positive way. One of those that was just enough. to make it really thought provoking and enjoyable.
- Log in to post comments