A Penny Dropped

Last Sunday in the celebration of Durten’s life, a person who had recently joined the community stood up to share.  Earlier that week, she had been talking to a long-term community member and, amongst other things, had said she didn’t quite understand why she was crying as she hadn’t known Durten for that long.  The person told her it was “because she loved you”.

Over the past week, I’ve been unable to get that phrase out of my thoughts.  “Because she loved you”.  Nana energy, agape type of love.  Love in action.  Someone who is always pleased to see you, who welcomes you, asks you how it’s going. 

It was a revelation; her tears were for the loss of someone who loved her.  It was such a deep, subtle turnaround of what I’ve realised I believed; that we are heartbroken because of the loss of someone we loved.  It has never crossed my mind that the reverse is also true.  That we grieve the loss of someone who loved us.

My grandmother died many years ago now.  I hadn’t seen her for a couple of years.  Back then, I was pretty closed down and numbed to Life.  I didn’t feel anything.  I didn’t go to her funeral.  I don’t remember why not.  Months later, I drove down to Mull of Kintyre, where she had lived.  I walked past her house towards my aunt’s house on the same road.  When my aunt opened the door, I started sobbing.  Grannie always came out of her house, walking down the short path to welcome us, a big smile on her face, pleased to see us, and the car hadn’t even been parked yet.  That day, the door didn’t open.  She wasn’t there.  And that was when it hit me. 

Because she loved me.