Leaving Joe

The child swivels in the chair, oblivious to the world around him until he stops, abruptly, to notice the adult watching him from the doorway. She isn’t going to stop him, but she is talking about him and he knows it. He can sense her almost as well as she can predict him these days. She waves and holds her thumb up. He returns the wave and hovers halfway towards standing up; unsure about walking towards her against taking advantage of the un-policed chair. She is smiling but there are tears in her eyes. What could that mean? Happy people smile, sad people cry. So what happens when it’s both at once? Is he in trouble?

The adult that his was talking to leaves and his familiar walks into the room. She stops and strokes the back of his head gently. “You alright Joe?” Now she must be talking to him, Joe, that’s his name. He walks off to the radiator. Perhaps he’ll play some air guitar. It’s allowed at lunchtime and perhaps she’ll join in. Sometimes she does. He’ll do Working Man (1974) by Rush. That’s Alex Lifeson on guitar. And then he’ll read Meg and Mog. Sometimes they read that together; act out the script. Meg and Mog is a good book. Except cats can’t really talk.

The child sits at his desk and she sits next to him. He’s reading Meg and Mog. She takes paper out from her desk and starts planning the geography lesson for Friday. Geography should be one of his favourite subjects; he excels at maps and place names. But what has she taught him all year? He’s been bored, that’s all. It is better that she leaves him. Someone else can help him more. Someone else might love him less. And that might help. More.

He puts Meg and Mog back into his desk and takes out ‘Let’s get out of here’ by Michael Rosen. He likes this book. He likes Eddy. Sometimes he IS Eddy. But if he is Eddy too much, Eddy might be banned in school. Like Horrid Henry was. So he’s careful. He’s clever. And he only reads Horrid Henry in library time. When he can read them all in one go. He points to a picture of Eddy, “where’s he sitting?” he asks her. She turns the question back to him. She says she doesn’t know, but she does. She is playing along. They can go through the whole book like this. Sometimes. But sometimes she wants him to read the words. He like the pictures best. The pictures of Eddy with shreddies in his hair. He hates having his hair brushed; today he refused and escaped the bristles. Tomorrow he might not be so lucky. She smiles at him and puts something back into her desk. Mr Riley walks in with a cup of tea. Is it home time?

“No, it’s lunchtime. Home time is ten past three. Look at the clock. What time is it now?”

Why does he say he doesn’t know the time? Last year he could definitely tell the time. Has she failed him? They need to work harder at consolidating skills. But time is running out. She won’t see him through. No more dependency. He’ll forget her and that’s the best thing. This relationship will fragment into emotional memory for her; disappear forever into the library of his mind.

History.“Oh No!” Not more Romans! The Romans are boring now. He doesn’t want to learn about the Romans. He says he doesn’t want to. He says no. He says he’s tired. He needs a drink. He gets a choice. He must do some research on the internet or from a book. He chooses the computer. The class line up and she gives him his story about the fire alarm. He reads it and then he reads it again; he shows it to Bryony and reads it to her and then he reads it again. He asks his adult, will the fire alarm make a loud noise? She won’t promise. She shows him the picture of the hands covering ears in the story. That’s what he’ll do; he’ll cover his ears with his hands so the noise isn’t so loud. He follows Bryony and walks just outside of the line through the school and up to the ICT room. They wait near the alarm bell? “Let’s go in now”. His voice is urgent. He looks, she’s there, and she walks over to stand next to him. Her hand moves to his shoulder and he fiddles with the ring on her little finger. It’s pretty. They’re going in now.

Sarah walks to a computer and stops. She looks around and realises what she’s done. “Sorry Joe” she says and moves off to find another. He hasn’t said a word, merely slowed down on the journey across the room. “This is the computer I always use” he says triumphantly. Secure. Happy. She smiles, agrees that it is the computer he always uses and pulls up a chair next to him. Should she have challenged him to vary the computer he works at? Is that something to hand on to the next person?

He logs on quickly and she talks him through the instructions for finding the BBC website – section Romans. He dictates and she writes. He spells words for her and they laugh on the language play. How could she give this up?

He has discovered a quick way to log on; to type jj into the list of names. He forgot that google is in his favourites but he has found it now; she has reminded him. Is she cross? No, she is smiling. He wants the BBC website. He has looked at that one already. She directs him to a new one. Woodlands Junior. She asks him questions like what were the 3 biggest Roman towns. They all have funny names. The adult can’t spell them so he spells them to her. She gets it wrong and he has to spell slowly. It’s funny.

Chloe asks the adult to help her with a superman report. The adult tells Joe to continue researching. It is a loose request and as she realises this, she instructs him to stay on the same website while she helps another child. When she returns she finds him, patient, on the same website. He doesn’t know if he has written anything extra down while she was away. She looks, he hasn’t. He doesn’t work without her there. Guilt floods her. They finish research and he chooses an activity called ‘game of Londinium’. They play together, really together, exploring, making decisions. It is just the two of them until she finds herself surrounded by children with questions for her. It isn’t just Joe she has to leave behind.

It is time to log off the computers.
“Is it home time”?
“No. Look at the clock. What time is it? Home time is ten past three. That’s in an hour. Now it’s time for the last lesson. In the classroom”.

Last lesson of the day. There is lots of listening to do so she passes him blu tack and he makes things. He sits close to her. What’s he going to do about needing a pencil? He remembers to return the blu tack to her desk and finds his pencil amidst the bundle of books in his own desk. He doesn’t want to write answers to questions but he does want to watch the video. She gives him the right answers. Because she wants him to succeed; she is not sure of his comprehension ability and there is not enough time to battle through it. She decides it is best to finish the work and reap the reward. Ten minutes of video. Has she made the best choice for him? Blu tack is needed again for the video. Will someone else predict that? Does she want them to? She is too close.

The funny sounding buzzer indicates that it is the end of the day. Home time. The teacher should stop the lesson then. But sometimes he carries on. Today he carries on. So is the teacher in charge or the buzzer? He asks his adult. She confirms that the buzzer warns the teacher, who has ultimate control. But the buzzer has buzzed. So it is home time. He dances to the middle of the room playing a riff he has been held back from playing all day. But he is allowed to play air guitar at break time, lunch time, home time and beehive. It is home time. The buzzer has buzzed.

Patrick Stars win a table star. Everybody leaves the room at the same time. It’s noisy and crowded and people push him. He looks behind him and she is there. Mrs Sulley talks to him as he passes her class. He nods to whatever it is she might have said. He is going to get his coat and hat from his peg.

It is cold outside but Joe has chosen to wait out there and stamp around in the fast fading snow, which is more like ice than snow now. Mrs Lyney knocks on the window and waves from the cloakroom. He doesn’t appear to respond until his adult asks “Did Mrs Lyney wave to you? Did you wave back”? He waves excitedly and his whole face creases into happiness. Lyney loves Joe; she is wonderful with him.

Dad arrives and the adult reports that Joe has had a wonderful day. She tells Dad that Joe has been a joy. She wants to hug Dad and assure him that she loves Joe, that she’ll make this as easy as possible. That she’ll come back if she can. That she hates the thought of leaving him to someone else. But she smiles and says she’ll see him tomorrow. He thanks her. It means more than it is perhaps supposed to. She bites down on the sting of tears and walks back into school. She’ll stay here as long as possible. She’ll work harder than she can, talk to more people about more nonsense than necessary. She won’t go. She just won’t be there anymore. One day. Sooner than she’d like.