Sailing the wide accountant sea

“Look, numbers aren’t really my thing.”

“But you’re an accountant!”

“Yeah, that is true.”

“More importantly, you’re my accountant and now you’re telling me... What exactly are you telling me?”

“Well, you don’t have as much money as you thought you did.”

“Yes, I’m getting that impression. How much less?”

“Um, quite a lot less, actually.”

“Right.”

“I might even go so far as to say most of it has gone.”

“Would you now? How exactly did this happen?”

“Exactly? It’s difficult to explain exactly.”

“Could you try to explain, please?”

“Look, right, finance and tax stuff, is really, really complicated, you know?”

“Yes, that’s why I employ an accountant.”

“To be honest, I never wanted to be an accountant.”

“No?”

“No, I wanted to be... a lumberjack!”

“A lumberjack?”

“No, not really. It was a joke.”

“A joke?”

“Just trying to lighten the mood.”

“Lighten the mood?”

“Yeah, I thought you could do with some cheering up. What with having lost all your money and all.”

“All my money?”

“Um, yeah.”

“How can I have lost all my money?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Yeah?”

“Okay, right, think of it like this. Imagine you’ve got a herd of goats.”

“Goats? You’re kidding, right?”

“Kidding! That’s very good!”

“What’s very good?”

“Kidding. Goats. No?”

“No.”

“Fair enough. Anyway, you’ve got all these goats, right, but you’re too busy to look after them, so you give them to a goatherd.”

“Go on.”

“Well, this goatherd looks after goats for a lot of people. He has to keep on top of things, keep the goats fed and happy and so on. You with me so far? I’ll take that as a yes. Well, suppose this goatherd, had a girlfriend. And he loved this girlfriend very much. But one day the goatherd came home from a hard day herding goats and found her in bed. Naked in bed. With another goatherd. Another goatherd who is also the first goatherd’s brother. Now, imagine how the first goatherd must feel?”

“Pretty upset?”

“Yes, pretty upset is how you would imagine he might feel. Pretty upset enough to go the nearest tavern and start drinking.”

“Oh.”

“And then imagine the goatherd waking up some days later, returning to the field of goats to discover that somehow a gate got left open and all the goats have wondered off. And he has no idea where they have gone. Not one clue.”

“That’s a sad story.”

“Yes. Yes it is.”

“Here, have a tissue. Dry your eyes.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re the goatherd, aren’t you?”

“Yes, yes I am.”

“And the goats are my money.”

“Yes, more or less.”

“I’m sorry about your girlfriend.”

“I’m sorry about your goats.”

“I can always get more goats.”

“I wish you luck with that.”

“Thanks.”

“Well, I’d better be going. Got a few people to talk to today.”

“Okay, good luck with that.”

“I appreciate your understanding.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”