It's A Good Day So Far: Chapter Thirty: Balloons.

Chapter Thirty.

I was meeting Danny at one and waited by the door so that I could get out fast. I saw him coming up the path. You couldn’t miss him; the three helium filled, foil balloons gave him away. One said Happy Birthday, the second To My Girlfriend and the third Fourteen Today. When my Dad saw them he’d tease me for the rest of my life. He kept doing the whole protective father thing, ‘If he hurts my little girl I’m going to break both of his legs with your mother’s rolling pin.’ But he said it in a Chicago-town, gangster voice so I knew that he was joking. I asked him if he’d be wearing Mum’s pinny when he did it and he told me that I was getting too smart in the mouth as I got older.

I had to get Danny away before my dad came out and saw him, but Dad embarrassing me was the least of my problems. I mean, its one thing Danny knowing that I’ve got a mother with dementia but it’s another thing altogether having her thrust on you when you’ve only been going out with someone for three days. Some people worry about their parent’s getting the baby photos out; I’m worried that my mum is going to turn into a baby.

I headed him off by the gate. ‘Come on, quick, let’s get out of here.’ Grabbing his arm we started walking down the street.

Two doors further on he stopped. ‘Hey, slow down. Well hello to you, too. Do I get to at least wish you a happy birthday before you wisk me away?’

I wanted to keep walking and get out of sight before we said anything. I wanted to be able to concentrate on just Danny and him saying, ‘Happy birthday’ to me and not have to worry about getting dragged back into the house. It would be so embarrassing in front of my dad, what with the balloons and everything. But Danny wasn’t moving. He was just looking at me. ‘Wow, look at you. You look amazing. So you’re a rock chic now, are you? Does that mean you’re going to dye your hair black and get loads of tattoos and a Harley?’

I screwed up my nose as if thinking about his question. ‘Um, well, definitely not this week.’

He carried on staring at me, ‘How about just the tattoos then?’ I punched him on the arm. You look great but don’t change anything, you’re perfect. Happy birthday, Kate,’ and then he kissed me. That was my fist ever birthday kiss from a boy. I wanted to remember it always. But I also wanted to get away. I broke the kiss off and pulled him away from the fence. ‘Hey, what’s the hurry? I haven’t given you your presents yet.’

‘We’ve got to move before my Dad sees us and drags us back to the house.’

‘But he knows about me, right?’

‘Yes, I told you he does.’

He stopped again and held me at arms length to look at me. He was thinking and took a moment before he spoke. ‘Are you ashamed of me, Kate?’

‘No, of course not, it’s just awkward, that’s all.’ We’d still only walked a few steps from my gate. I had to change the subject. I looked down at the big bag with Birthday Girl written on the side.

‘So, what’s in the bag?’

‘What bag?’

‘That bag.’

‘Do I have a bag?’ he looked down and gasped, ‘I do. I have a bag. Oh no, I must have picked it up on the bus by mistake.’

‘You didn’t come on the bus?’

‘I didn’t?’

I shook my head.

‘Well in that case. I suppose it must be for you. But you’re not getting it yet.’

‘Aw, why not?’

Because I want it to be special and didn’t plan on you opening your presents while we’re walking down the street.’

‘Kate? Katie, wait up.’ It was Dad. He was standing in the street in his socks, I dropped Danny’s hand fast and moved away from him. My dad had seen me holding a boy’s hand, it was so embarrassing. I groaned just another few steps and we’d have been around the corner and out of sight. There was nothing for it, we had to turn back.

‘Hey Dad,’

He looked hurt. ‘Were you going to slope off and not say anything?’

‘I did. I shouted “Bye,” as I left.’

‘Hello Mister Bell, I’m Danny.’ Danny was bright red, even his ears were glowing but he put his hand out to my dad as though he was a proper, grown up man. They shook hands and dad looked surprised but kind of impressed too.

‘Hello Danny, I’ve heard a lot about you—but not nearly enough, so come on in and let me grill you. I’ve been looking forward to this for fourteen years.’ He had a huge grin on his face and I could see that he was enjoying himself a whole lot.

We went into the house and Dad led Danny straight into the lounge, not the living room and not the kitchen where we nearly always sit. I thought Dad was being all formal just to take the Mick. I could hear Mum, Aunty Linda and Aunty Helen. Then it went quiet and they all came in. Dad had told Danny to sit down and we were sitting together on the sofa. His hand was really close to mine but I didn’t dare touch him. It was really hash-tag awkward.

Aunty Linda had a tray with cups of coffee, sugar, cutlery and side plates on it and Aunty Helen was carrying a birthday cake with one lit candle and a sparkler. Mum was randomly carrying a cauliflower; I have no idea what that was all about. And then all the grown-ups started singing Happy Birthday really loud. I could see out of the corner of my eye that Danny’s lips were moving a bit but no sound came out. It was one of the cringiest moments ever and I thought that if God wanted to kill me, right then, it wouldn’t be so bad.

When they got to the Dear Katie bit of Happy Birthday, Mum just, kind of, tailed off because she’d forgotten whose birthday it was. I felt tears coming into my eyes and Danny noticed it too. He glanced at me. It was as if his eyes were saying, ‘I really want to tell you that it’s going to be okay, but I can’t look at you because your Dad’s looking at me and this is really awkward.’ And then he looked away again but his hand was close to mine on the sofa and he moved his little finger so that it was just touching the side of my hand.

My Dad’s head moved to the side, tracking the movement of Danny’s finger. He looked proper comical, like a budgerigar and he said, ‘Oh, for God’s sake, lad. Hold her hand if you’re going to, stop pussy footing around.’ And me and Danny both went even redder. He didn’t look at me but his hand moved across and took mine.

‘See, they’re like twins, their faces are exactly the same colour red. Have you been out in the sun too long, lad?’ My dad thinks he’s really funny.

‘Oh, leave them alone, Steve,’ said Aunty Helen. Linda had put my cake on the table in front of me. ‘Come on then,’ Helen continued, ‘blow your candle out and make a wish.’ I did, but I think I wasted my wish because I wished that my Mum would get better and come back to me, but I knew that was never going to happen. There should be proper rules about making birthday wishes. You should only be allowed to wish for things that are possible. Danny squeezed my hand.

I was a bit sad. My cake was nice and everything and I was really grateful, but it was just a little supermarket one. It was chocolate and it had a ribbon around it and said Happy Birthday and it was dead good, but it wasn’t one of my Mum’s cakes with the right amount of candles on it. Mum made me a birthday cake every single year. I realised that I’d never get one again.

I remember one year we were having a big party, so she wanted to make a big cake. It was the only year that it ever went wrong. She used a massive fruit cake tin, the biggest one you could get. But she didn’t realise that a chocolate sponge isn’t heavy enough to support itself in a big, fruit cake tin. She tried to get it right three times and soon had three collapsed disasters in front of her. It was going to be a Malteser cake with Malteser cream and chocolate icing. Mum just got the huge platter that we serve the turkey on at Christmas, piled all the cake up like a mountain and covered the whole lot in cream, icing and Maltesers. She called it The Compost Heap and it was the best cake ever.

Aunty Linda winked at me. You could feel how awkward it was in the room. My dad was enjoying himself but he was the only one. ‘Right, Danny, said Aunty Linda, after giving him a coffee and asking if he wanted sugar. ‘This is Kate’s Mum, Annie. And this is her best friend, Kate’s Aunty Helen and I’m Annie’s sister, Linda. Steve you’ve already met. Just ignore him, he’s being a big kid and enjoying himself at your expense. Best thing to do is give as good as you get and he’ll soon get bored.’

‘I’ll never get bored,’ Dad said with a wink at Mum. ‘Kate’s never brought a boy home for me to bully before.’

‘And you wonder why I tried to get away before you saw us.’ I said to Dad and then turned to Danny. ‘Now do you see? My whole family are nuts.’

‘I’m beginning to,’ said Danny with a grin, ‘but you haven’t met my lot, yet.’ I felt him relaxing a bit. Everybody started chatting and all the tension just floated away.

‘I’m Annie,’ Mum said, coming up with her hand out for Danny to shake; she was only about ten minutes too late for the introductions, and, she was still holding onto the stupid cauliflower. Her eyes were fixed on the balloons that Danny clutched in his right hand. I realised that I should have taken them off him before he sat down and he’d had to hold onto them all this time. Mum, seeing the balloons, simply let go of the cauliflower. It hit Danny’s knee and he let out a whoosh of air. Aunty Linda asked Danny if he was all right, I just laughed because I didn’t know what else to do.

Everybody in the room except Mum watched the cauli roll across the carpet and come to a stop by Aunty Helen’s feet, she picked it up and now, would you believe it, she was sitting with a cauliflower on her knee.

Danny looked terrified; I felt his hand tighten in mine. I’m not surprised that he was scared of Mum; she was looming over him like a big, fat, pregnant, three-year old. He was so desperate to avoid the fact that that she isn’t normal that I think he said the first thing that came into his head. ‘Hello Mrs Bell, that’s a lovely baby you’re having.’

I gave a kind of laugh, I looked at him, frowned and mouthed “lovely baby,” then I realised that everybody was looking at us. I was going to say something to try and ease the awkward moment but Danny hadn’t finished yet. ‘Yes, Kate says that we can take it for walks and bath it and stuff…’ he tailed off.

Everybody was looking at us; I don’t think anybody knew what to say. Dad sort of snorted, ‘Huh, not while he’s in there, you’re not.’

‘No. No, I didn’t mean before it—he’s—born. I didn’t mean that I want to bath Mrs Bell, Jesu—dear me—that would be terrible, I…’

I saw the twinkle in Dad’s eye. His mouth was twitching at the corners. ‘Well, I’m glad to hear that, son. If you wanted to bath my wife, I really would have to kill you.’

My Dad’s evil sometimes, the aunties were both laughing and Danny looked as though he wanted to cut his mouth out with a rusty knife. Me, I just wanted to go to school so that I could tell Sal all about it. I was sure that when I’d stopped being embarrassed. It would be hil-ar-i-ous. I realised that under certain situations my boyfriend is going to be useless. His mouth has a mind of its own. But then he did something so mature that I felt proper proud of him. I couldn’t have done it.

He took a big breath and sat up straighter, smiled at Mum who was still standing in front of him gawping and then he looked Dad right in the eye. ‘I’m sorry Mister Bell that was really stupid. Can we start that again, please? I got a bit flustered and have no idea what I was saying.’ I made a mental note to remind him later. He took another breath before continuing, but Dad decided to put him out of his misery.

‘At ease, lad,’ he said, as though he’s some sergeant major or something, ‘I know what you were trying to say.’ He was still smiling but his eyes were serious now. ‘We’ve all had a lot to get used to these last few months and you’ve had it dropped on you in five minutes. As long as you make my little girl smile you’ll do for me. In fact, never mind Kate, as long as you keep saying really dumb stuff, you’re welcome here anytime. Relax son, we like you.’

Mum stopped staring at the balloons while Danny had babbled on like a fool. Maybe somewhere in there she could still pick up on a tense atmosphere or maybe she was thinking, why is that boy babbling like a fool? Whatever the reason, she stood in front of him with her mouth slightly open, head slightly cocked, just staring at him. When Danny wasn’t speaking, she jolted out of her trance.

‘It’s my Birthday today. Are they for me?’ Mum asked, reaching over Danny to take the balloons. ‘How lovely.’ Mum’s belly is so big that it literally hit Danny’s face. He turned his head to the side to try and avoid it but the bump pressed against his cheek squashing his face up and folding his ear over.

He made a little ‘Aah,’ noise and his head was filmy wedged between the sofa and Mum’s belly as she reached across for the balloons. She waltzed off across the room with them, one of which said To My Girlfriend. Aunty Linda was doubled over laughing, then we were all laughing and the awkwardness was gone. Dad asked Danny loads of questions, like which football team he supports and what kind of music he likes. Soon they were chatting away like mates.

Mum played with my balloons until she got bored then she let them go and they floated up to the ceiling and stayed there. The balloons were old hat because she’d spotted the bag of presents that Danny had tried to push beside the sofa out of sight. Mum likes pretty things and the bag was pink and had a glittery bow on it. She stood up and started shuffling across the room to get it.

Aunty Helen saw what was coming. ‘Right everybody, come on. Let’s leave these kids to it,’ she said, taking Mum’s arm and turning her around. ‘Everybody into the kitchen, give them some privacy.’

Mum stared at Danny. ‘Who is that Boy? Do we know him?’

‘That’s our Kate’s boyfriend, Annie. Come on, let’s go and peel some potatoes or something.’
‘Is it?’ said Mum. ‘Are they sleeping together?’ I could still hear Aunty Linda killing herself laughing from inside the kitchen.

‘Your family are great,’ Danny said. He leaned over after checking the door to see that nobody was going to burst back in. And then he kissed me gently on the mouth. ‘I really like them. And your Mum’s brilliant.’

‘Oh, she’s not always like that. If you hadn’t given her those balloons, she’d have thrown a fit.’

‘That’s easily solved then. Next year I’ll just buy an extra one saying, To My Girlfriend’s Mum.’