Part 1. If only ..

A few years back, l was looking after an absolutely gorgeous house for three weeks. House-sitting for a family l cleaned for. They were away somewhere fabulous, so l was having a slice of the good life. How divine. I'm making the most of each minute.

As the place was just HUGE, l decided to sleep downstairs in what they call the television room. I felt l could operate in there, phone handy in case. Next to that room, was what's called the wet room. Basically another massive space with a toilet and gigantic shower. You could wash your car in it, really.

l had access to abundance of hot water. I bathed in the stylish, contemporary tub in the upper floor, door open wide, looking on to the spiral staircase, bubbles as deep as the boiling water, instead of me worrying about my meter running out, and drying with fluffy, thick towels, wash in expensive shower stuff, instead of my old, thin towels and shower gel from the Pound shop.

There was a pull out sofa bed in my room of choice, and l stuffed the duvet and pillows in the cloakroom next door. l liked that it looks out into the beautiful back garden, but l could watch all the channels we didn't have in my own house. 'Do help yourself to the wine when we're away'.

I can't tell you how l felt, wandering around their spectacular home.
And I wasn't jealous. l felt proud as l walked into the driveway. All my friends popped by, and we sat in luxury sipping drinks, and to think they trusted me, ME with their couple of million pounds precious property. It was a joy to be around them, and l guess l learned about love, nutrition and how easy it is to function when you have lots of dosh at your disposal.

I had slept upstairs previously, in the parents room, but l'd felt a bit of a loser, alone in such a love-fest pretty bed. It was a bit like The Three Bears. One's too big, one's too small but the sofa bed was 'just right', as I needed to see and have access to that garden. It stretched out as far as the eye could see, had a wee summer house for the children, a tree house and a pond with fish. I admit l did use the swing on more than on occassion.

In the light, bright funky kitchen, they had this wardrobe that the wife used as a storing area for all her cooking and baking needs. Each meal was carefully thought out, and nothing that had no nutritional value to the body was allowed, apart from crisps on a Friday and sweets on a Saturday. That may sound mean, but the mother baked the most delicious carrot, lemon and other cakes you could imagine, they weren't deprived.

A large, pale blue, thousand pound Smeg fridge was stuffed full of exciting and colourful food groups. One meal in this house would be what some folk live on in a week. But you know, these parents just work hard and educated themselves to have these things for their family.

There was every conceivable apparatus for eating, juicing, toasting, roasting and slicing, at my disposal. Oh. And a top of the range mini high fi, complete with hundreds of fab c.d's. It was like being in a John Lewis Store.

Rows of different flour for baking, beans for soups and stews, dried fruit of every description for cakes. All manner of paraphernalia. It always opened my mind to other possibilities in my own life, after stepping foot into their happy, organic, recycling, well-balanced, middle-class but non-judgemental singing, hockey, tennis playing, cricket, braces on teeth world. As l said, boy, l was going to make the most of this time.

It's hard to describe just how stunning this particular garden was. Every month, Richard the landscape guy arrived in the familiar big, blue Mercedes van and spent a couple of days from 8 till late quietly working his magic, planting this and trimming that, so the view from the open or closed French windows on a summer's evening or first thing in the morning was like being in heaven. I stayed up late, and got up early.

The family ate every meal on the large, kitchen table. It could easily seat a dozen or more. The homework was done there, any children's arguments were hugged-out there, and so l felt very comfortable putting all my belongings to the left of this giant, wooden table. I had brought a suitcase full of clothes and shoes which l'd tucked away, but my bits and pieces of jewellery and junk were laid out for easy access.

One afternoon, l had a few hours to spare before l went to meet my son from the airport. It was a glorious, hot day. The sun lounger came out, some music blaring and me in total bliss, l was going to sink into happy.

This must be what it's like to have utter peace of mind. These people had it all sewn up. A stunning home, holidays, plenty of cash, style, lovely cars, children in private school, good health, love, oh and an Aga.

As l was choosing a prime spot to put the sun lounger, maybe by the house to hear Stevie Wonder, or under the trees to get some shade, by the pond, the wee water fountain lapping, l heard the door bell chime. Bugger. Who's this?