Judith and Jake - Part One of Two

I

“Do you ever think about going back to your old neighborhood?” said Judith.

“Nah,” said Jake. “Everyone’s gone. Last I heard the only one left was old Mrs. Teaberry.”

“Are you serious? You told me she was old when you were a kid. And that was over twenty years ago.”

“Well, you know how it was when you were a kid. Everyone over forty seemed ancient. Especially those from the depression-era. They always looked so old. School of hard-knocks and all that. I imagine the old girl’s closing in on eighty by now.”

“We ought to pay her a visit.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Why not?”

“Those cats of hers. I can still smell the damn things. Cat piss and fried kidneys. Two things I never want in our house. Ever.”

”Kidneys?”

”That‘s all she ever fed those cats. We lived above a butcher shop. Emil’s pork store. It was a five story tenement building. There were two apartments above the shop. Ours and hers. She‘d go down there nearly every night at closing and get whatever scraps she could. Mostly kidneys and Bologna ends. Kidneys for the cats. The ends for her.”

“That was a long time ago, Jake. I’m sure the cat’s are long gone.”

“Then you don’t know much about cat ladies. Once a cat lady, always a cat lady. I think it’s in the blood. And I’m sure whichever cats have died were stuffed in her mattress and replaced with fresh ones.”

“That’s not even funny.“

“Then why are you smiling?“

”Maybe it's a little funny,” said Judith. “And as gross as you make her sound I still think we should go see her. Didn’t you once tell me about the wonderful Christmas morning your family spent in her apartment? You must have some affection for the woman.”

”I did. For that one day. You see, Mrs. Teaberry was new to the neighborhood. Her husband had just died and she was a bit of a recluse for the first couple of months. Then dad went over to her apartment one Christmas Eve to welcome her to the neighborhood and ended up losing four bottles of wine, eighty seven dollars and our Christmas tree, in a drunken game of gin rummy. So she had every reason to be in a pretty good mood that Christmas morning. Not so much for the next ten years I was living there, though.”

”I still think we should pay her a visit. Makes sure she’s okay.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

II

Jake and Judith stepped into the foyer of the old building and scanned the list of residents.

”Mrs. Dottie Teaberry. Apartment 2B,” said Judith. ”I‘m so excited. She‘s still here!”

”What‘s exciting about it?” said Jake.

”It‘s a link to your past. And as much as you say you don‘t want to see her, I find it funny that you always manage to bring her up when talking about your childhood.”

”I‘ve also mentioned my bout with chicken pox. And I can tell you right now that I was more than happy to leave that behind, too. Along with my measles and whooping cough.”

”Oh, bah humbug to you, too.”

Judith rang the buzzer and the newlyweds waited to be buzzed in.

”She‘s talking an awful long time,” said Judith. ”Maybe she‘s napping.”

”No,” said Jake. ”She‘s probably having a hard time wading through all the dead cats that have piled up over the years.”

”That‘s really not funny, Jake.”

”Yes?" came the voice from Jake‘s past. “Who is it?“

”It‘s me, Mrs. Teaberry! Jake McMahon! I grew up in the apartment across the hall from you! It‘s been so many years! I thought I’d stop by and say hello! Catch up on old times! Introduce you to my new wife!”

“Stop shouting," said Mrs. Teaberry. "It's an intercom, not a tin can. And I never catch up on old times unless I’m good and liquored up. Did you bring a bottle?”

“No.”

“Then what are you waiting for? There’s a liquor store on the corner. I want something red. In a big bottle. Make it two big bottles. And a lottery ticket. I’ll cut you twenty percent if I hit.”

“See what you got me into," said Jake.

“Oh, we should have thought to bring her something in the first place. Let’s just do it and spend a good hour or two with the old soul."

III

After being buzzed in, Judith and Jake made their way up the stairs with the two bottles of wine and a fist full of lottery tickets.

“One drink and we’re out of there,” said Jake.

“Fine,” said Judith. “And stop looking so grim.”

Judith knocked on the door of apartment 2B and when the door swung open there stood Mrs. Teaberry. She was dressed a New York Yankees baseball cap, tank top t-shirt and boxer shorts.

“Hello, Mrs. Teaberry,” said Jake. “It's been a long time. I’d like you to meet Judith.”

The old lady gave Judith the once over, then took her by the hand.

“Lovely sweater, young lady,” said Mrs. Teaberry. “It really accentuates those hugemongous milk pails you’re lugging around. Now come on in. And watch where you step.”

“Huh?” said Judith.

“You asked for it,” said Jake.