FUNKY GIBBON

One day in 1966 – or it may be five, or four –

I was standing in the kitchen, when I heard the mighty roar

Of Dad’s trusty old blue moped which he rode home from town.

But as I looked through the window, my smile turned to a frown,

For strapped onto the pillion I saw an apparition

It looked just like a monkey in a very strange position

With one arm up as if to hang from a branch invisible –

A monkey riding on a bike? The idea seemed quite risible!

Dad walked in smiling happily with this creature in his arms-

My mouth fell open – Mother screamed – she couldn’t see its charms.

‘What the flaming hell is that you’ve got?’ she cried in much confusion.

‘Please say it’s not a monkey – just merely an illusion!’

He said : ‘my pet, please do not fret, It’s no monkey – his name’s Ernest.

He’s just a poor stuffed gibbon.  I have saved him from the furnace!’

Old Ernest was a specimen gone well past his sell-by date

Found on a rubbish heap by the science lab awaiting his sad fate.

Then Dad came by and took him in ‘poor chap looked so pathetic –

I didn’t see the need to ask - you’re so sweet and sympathetic’.

Mums’ green eyes flashed, she took a breath, then she began to shout:

I don’t care what you do with him, get the mangy bugger out!’

We kept him there for several days, and grew fond of the gibbon

My sister even combed his hair, and gave him a red ribbon.

But Mum stood firm; she would not budge. We all looked on in sorrow.

‘I’ll chuck him on the fire myself if he’s still here tomorrow!’

I felt quite sad, but told my Dad: ‘I’ve got a good idea

Matthew’s studying to be a vet, he’s in his final year’.

I introduced him to the beast, they seemed to like each other.

Ernest even shared Matt’s room (he’d an understanding mother).

He studied hard, passed his exams, and with Ernest by his side

Got a job and moved abroad – and when he met his future bride

Before he asked her for her hand said ‘so there’s no mistake

It’s best that I should tell you now - where I go, goes my ape’.

And so three of them walked down the aisle, and the couple said ‘I will’.

And I have heard, after fifty years, they are together still!.